


A New Start

by Dimonds456



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Can’t wait to get Steven some heckin therapy- can’t come fast enough honestly, Depression, Electric Torture, Everything's Fine, Gen, I won’t say much about her yet but I hope y’all like her!, I’ll add tags as we go. Enjoy!, Maybe we should take Spinel along more often..., Original Character(s), Panic Attack, Self-Harm, Shattered Gems, Spinel being a good little sister, Spinel being awesome, Steven has PTSD, Those last 3 aren’t too bad I swear!, Zoning Out, also what exactly is abstract art? I myself am not sure lol, bismuth is the only one with her head screwed on right now, self-deprication, suf ep 18 redux but with no powers this time, temporarily shattered gems
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:02:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27780451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dimonds456/pseuds/Dimonds456
Summary: When Steven goes to Homeworld, he arrives with the sole intention of talking to the Diamonds to help him control his powers. However, once he sees the familiar face of Spinel, alternative ways of subduing wayward powers appear...Time to go on a road trip.Canon divergence to the episode “Homeworld Bound”.
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Connverse, Pink Diamond's Original Pearl | Volleyball & Spinel, Pink Diamond's Original Pearl | Volleyball/Spinel, spinearl - Relationship
Comments: 23
Kudos: 54





	1. The Idea, the Plan, and the Execution

Cold. Bright. Fast.

That was the world which sometimes presented itself, whenever Steven chose to open his eyes. This was the world he should be seeing the whole time he travelled through the warp stream, right? Just the endless expanse of cyan blue all around him, with the vast expanses of space just outside the stream. It would make sense- he was traveling through the warp on his way to Homeworld.

So why was the journey taking forever?

Every time he blinked, time froze. Some new horror would play behind his eyes, lasting for so long, and yet, when his eyes opened again, it had been less than a quarter of a second. These small breaks in reality haunted him, and because of it, he tried to keep his eyes wide open, to resist blinking. But, then his daydream nightmares- daymares?- followed him, blotting out his sight and causing his vision to gloss over as the horrors demanded his attention.

On the surface, the horrors were just slices of his every day life. Hanging out with friends, teaming up with the gems to fight monsters, pulling out his shield or healing someone- the usual. But, in each and every scene, there was something ominous. His friends all leaving, the monster getting a serious hit in on someone he cares about, shielding his family from danger and healing them after he failed-

His eyes snapped open again. The pink glow that had ridden with him the whole time was back, and he had to force it to go away. He was fine, he was safe in the warp stream. Everyone was fine.

Then he remembered Jasper. Sure, she was fine _now,_ but she might not have been. She may have really, actually have been gone. What would he have done then? He wasn’t sure, and honestly didn’t want to think about it.

He didn’t want to think about anything.

At long last, solid material appeared beneath Steven’s feet. The glow (which was back _again)_ vanished quickly with the relief he felt.

He stepped off the warp, and entered seemingly a different _timeline._ Homeworld was just _that_ different. For one, the sky was blue. Second, the place was now home to plants and bouquets, flowers streaming from little gardens set up here and there. The whole area seemed _cleaner_ somehow, and the Home Square had been renovated almost entirely to make for a more breathable space for someone just coming to Homeworld off the warp.

Wow. Even Homeworld didn’t need his help to grow anymore.

He supposed he should be happy about that. That meant that gems were really, finally understanding what it meant to be free and doing whatever they wanted with that freedom, like making home feel more like home than a cramped prison. He should be proud of them for that, but, that just meant he now was devoid of yet _another_ potential purpose he could have had.

There really was nothing here for him, was there?

He had come here to speak with the Diamonds. He needed to ask their advise on controlling his powers, but the thought of facing them still left him with butterflies in his stomach. Well, no- nausea in his stomach, butterflies haunting the edges of his vision. In any case, butterflies or no butterflies, he didn’t want to see the Diamonds since he knew they would make him upset no matter what.

And that was the problem, wasn’t it? That he kept getting upset? Stressed? Dr. Maheswaran has said something about his pink powers being a manifestation of stress. Would that mean he’d hurt the Diamonds, too?

Even though he wanted to control his powers as fast as possible, he hesitated to step off the warp. What would even _happen_ if he hurt the Diamonds? Would Homeworld forgive him? Would _they_? Surely, he’d just give them a reason to finally, _finally_ attack him and kill him for good, right? Well, maybe, but something told him that wasn’t the case- they _had_ practically fallen on their hands and knees begging him to stay on Homeworld that one time, right? Literally in White’s case? They loved him- or at least they liked that they had _a version_ of Pink back- so killing him wasn’t really in the question.

But if he _attacked_ them…?

A week ago, Steven would have been pretty sure he wouldn’t just attack anyone, but that had been before he wrecked the van, nearly killing his own dad, and everything that came afterward. That had been before he’d shatte-

_NOPE,_ Steven thought, not letting his mind complete that thought. _That is DEFINITELY how one goes pink right now._

He couldn’t face the Diamonds. He couldn’t trust himself enough to stay in control.

But, he couldn’t exactly go home, either. And if he had to pick someone to potentially get hurt, he guessed he’d feel worse if he’d hurt Pearl or Amethyst rather than Yellow or Blue.

To the Diamonds it is, then.

Taking in a breath, Steven steeled himself and stepped off the warp, forcing himself to keep walking forward until he entered the palace.

The inside of the palace- or White’s head, same difference- was also pretty different. Gems milled freely about the ballroom, laughing and chatting. Wall gems waltzed by, having a conversation with each other and a curious Peridot that decided to listen in. There was a nearby group of gems listening to a Pearl talk, and they appeared to be enraptured in a tour.

“As you can see,” the pearl was saying, “this truly was the center of power in the Gem empire throughout the second Era.” She gestured upwards towards the four thrones with her right arm, looking up at them herself in admiration. The surrounding gems turned to follow her gaze. “When you walk through these storied halls, it’s easy to feel as though you, too, have the power of a Diamond.”

The audience found themselves smiling at that thought; Steven just looked at the floor, feeling the nausea in his stomach intensify for a moment.

Funny, that people and gems both liked the idea of having power. People typically did everything in their powers to get it, or at least, everyone who _had_ power had followed that path. With gems, it was a bit more complicated than that, since most of them were always destined to be a piece in the puzzle- a brick in the hierarchy. Worst part was, gems didn’t even get the honor of being their own brick- their gem type was the brick, the gems themselves were the tiny particles making _up_ the brick.

The bricks on top were the Diamonds, with White sitting at the very tip-top; untouchable. Not even her fellow Diamonds felt that she be challenged in any way. The four of them together held ultimate, supreme power over the other gems below them, and never thought to question it once.

Well, that’s how it used to be, anyway. But then, Era 3 happened and gems could decide their own place in the empire! The Diamonds stepped down, everyone became free, and gems were able to be themselves for the first times ever. It was great! And, unsurprisingly, many gems decided it was then that they were going to get the authority and respect they deserved and move up the ranks, even though technically speaking, most of those ranks don’t exist anymore.

It was a wonder that Homeworld was only sort of competitive because of it.

But, as Steven had sneaked a glance up at the thrones, the bottom-most one he had sat in once himself, he just felt worse. Power was _bad._ Having control over other people was _bad._ Steven didn’t _want_ power- he’d only ever taken it to try and empower the people around him, to free Gemkind and negotiate with the Diamonds. Then, once that was done, he’d tried so hard to get rid of almost all of it.

But then, the outbursts began. His skin glowed a harsh neon pink, one that lit up the night sky and slowed down time. His yell could shatter glass and crack walls, and everything felt like he was in Sudden Death Mode in a video game. But it was reality. His power, the one that came from his diamond, was horrible. _Toxic._ It nearly got Pearl hurt, had retraumatized Volleyball, he could have seriously hurt Bluebird, he nearly killed all his friends in a dome, he crashed his dad’s van- which could have killed him- and finally, his recent outing with Jasper out in the woods. So many people hurt, so many people he would _continue_ to hurt.

The Diamonds were bad. He learned this from a young age, and he continued to realize that even now. And he, Steven, was a Diamond, too. It would only make sense that he’d start to hurt people. It was bound to happen at some point.

He hadn’t realized he’d zoned out until the movement of the tour group caught his attention. The pearl was leading them further into the palace, and as they walked away, a familiar pink gem was left behind, still looking up and admiring the oversized décor. Her pigtails stuck up in unnatural ways, staying perpendicular to Steven’s line of sight no matter how her head turned. Her dark pink irises met his, and her grin practically split her face.

“Steven!” Spinel greeted excitedly. In one, single stride of her stretchy legs, she was by his side in a second. Before Steven could even begin to process what was happening, she gave him a large, cartoonish kiss on the cheek, followed up by an exaggerated “Mwah!” She then held her arms to the side, either being extremely performative or looking for a hug.

To add embarrassment and humiliation on top of his steadily-increasing stress was a bad idea. Steven’s skin bloomed into color in response, his anger spiking. “Spinel, what is WRONG with you?!” He spat at her.

Spinel, unfazed, dropped her gaze to half-lidded. “Oh, y’know,” she mused, giving him a small, mischievous smile. “The usual.”

The glow faded as regret took anger’s place. _Oops,_ Steven thought. It was a wonder she didn’t send him sprawling for that. That comment was a bit uncalled for.”So,” he began awkwardly, hoping to maybe clear the air a bit after their initial greeting. He cracked a small smile, the movement not making it anywhere near his eyes. “How’ve you been since- uhh…” he trailed off, realizing he actually hadn’t seen her since their showdown on Earth. Great. So it’s been, what, a _year_ then? Some friend he was.

“Since I tried to kill you?” Spinel offered, also picking up on where he was going. Her eyebrows were creased, regret and humiliation written all over her stiff poster and strained facial expression. She looked away, flicking her hands down in front of her. “That was so embarrassing. I was just a wreck back then, but I am so much better now!” She straightened up, her smile genuine once again.

Steven took a mental moment to dissect that for a second. She _did_ seem to be a lot bouncier than she had been last time they’d talked, both metaphorically and physically. Her smile was a bit wider, her posture looser, and her eyes had that gleam of fun and play in them again from before she remembered Pink abandoning her.

The poor gem had been built to be a friend, or at least, what the Diamonds had imagined in a friend. To them, a friend was an overly-friendly servant, along the same lines as pearls but less focused on orders and more about goofing off. Every gem was made for a purpose, and gems didn’t _have_ “friend” anywhere in their system, so a new slot had to be created. Spinel was the gem who fit that slot, doing whatever her owner commanded of her and doing it with a bigger smile than even some pearls did. Spinel genuinely enjoyed playing and having fun to the point that when her owner told her to stay in place for however long she’d be gone, Spinel never even thought to question her or her motives. She stood perfectly still for 6,000 years, almost on the dot, and never moved.

More terrible things his mom did to add to the pile.

Once Spinel learned the truth, she physically could not handle it and poofed from heartbreak. When she reformed, she felt such betrayal that she decided to attack Earth and Steven for no reason other than she wanted others to feel the pain she had felt. She had found a giant injector filled with biopoison, meant to kill all organic life on Earth, and then render the Crystal Gems unable to stop her with the rejuvenator.

The rejuvenator was a hand-held devise no larger than a TV remote. It had only one button, which opened and closed the weapon. When opened, a large pole would extend from it, and the white light energy sparking from the tip would form into a scythe-like shape. Just one click of the reset button and a good swing, and it would reset a gem’s memories, bringing them back to how they had been when they had first emerged: servants and loyal soldiers. Though, in order to do so, gems had to poof, and Steven wasn’t capable of doing so. Instead, his powers went all out of whack and he couldn’t use any of them for long periods of time, and if he tried, it left him tired and exhausted.

Steven’s eyes widened.

“So, what are ya doin’ here?” Spinel threw her arms out animatedly, flashing him another large grin. She seemed overly happy to see him- gosh, had it really been that long?- and practically bursting at the seams at the thought of spending more time with him.

“I, I’ve been having some troubles recently,” he began slowly, cautiously. Steven wasn’t overly familiar with Spinel’s stance on Homeworld knowledge, but he did know she liked him and wanted to spend more time with him. If he was going to do this, he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to warp back home, so having a buddy might be a good idea. Plus, he couldn’t bring anyone who was close to him, since they’d probably try to stop him. Spinel was his best bet as a chauffeur.

“I wanted to try and get some haywire powers under control, and to do that, I need to go someplace special.” The lie wove together the longer he talked about it out loud. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to warp for a while afterwards, and I was hoping you’d want to come with me?”

If Spinel was happy to see him before, she was ecstatic now. She gasped, her hair standing up on end as her whole form went ridged, her eyes wide. She then giggled happily, her voice a high-pitched squeal of excitement as her feet began prancing up and down quickly beneath her. Her hands came together in front of her chest, fists waving too fast for Steven to see them anymore other than the pink blur they had become.

That was a yes, then. Awesome.

“Glad to see you’re excited,” Steven grinned to himself, daring to be happy for just this small moment. “C’mon; I’ll warp us there.”

Spinel let out another high-pitch scream, then cartwheeled ahead of him towards the warp pad. “Well come on, slow-poke!” She called. “We got places to be!”

Steven’s smile remained plastered in place, and the contagious joy he got from Spinel mostly remained in place, though the stress lines under his eyes grew a bit deeper at her implication. The gems were going to be so, so mad when they found out, but this was for their sake, to keep them safe. This was something he could do for them, to make sure their destinies weren’t interrupted. 

It didn’t matter what happened to him. Sure, by going through with this little plan of his he would become completely useless and worth nothing, but honestly? He was okay with that. Giving up his power was probably his best and only option here. No more outbursts, no more swelling, no more TV-dream projections…

_…no more shield,_ a deeper part of him whispered. _No healing spit or tears. No more bubbles._

No more domes or super speed, either, he quipped right back. This was good. The positive outweighed the negative- by a _lot._

By the time Steven arrived on the warp pad, Spinel was literally bouncing with excitement. The gleam of adventure reflected in her eyes, and she seemed ready to jump into a volcano if it meant something new and exciting.

“So, where are ya takin’ me?” Spinel asked as Steven stepped onto the light blue surface.

Steven flashed her a smile, the pink gem’s mischievous attitude seeping into the teenager now. “Someplace underneath an entire ocean, submerged deep below the water. It’s a place where pearls were made, and has a lot of appearance modifiers and different accessories you can pick up if you like one.”

Spinel’s expression was one of wonder. “The place where Pearls emerged?”

Steven nodded. “Yeah. We’re going to the Reef.”

* * *

The ride to the Reef was one of joy. Steven’s anxiety began to melt away as Spinel started rambling to him about everything he’d missed out on since he’d been living on Earth, about Spinel’s efforts to become better, and how her road to healing has been going. Apparently, the Diamonds each had their own set of new powers as well, and they were using them for good. Spinel’s personal favorite was White’s new power, which allowed her to channel other gems into her body- kinda the reverse of what White could do normally. Yellow was fixing gems and altering their physical forms permanently, and Blue’s tears no longer made people cry, and instead they’d become clouds that made people happy as a clam! After Steven’s trip to the Reef, maybe he’d go visit Blue. A cloud ride of pure happiness sounded like it would be bliss.

At first, he felt a nagging sensation that he didn’t deserve that, and that maybe being happy wasn’t in his future. He countered those arguments by reminding himself that he was taking steps to control his wacky powers, and taking a break was healthy. Plus, serotonin was good for your mental health as well, whatever that meant. Connie had told him that one a long time ago, back when he struck up a conversation about days when the whole world just seemed flat for no reason-

He had to shake himself out of those thoughts pretty quickly to avoid going pink.

Spinel, meanwhile, was none the wiser of Steven’s current plight. She chattered on and on about one topic after the other, ranging from everything the Diamonds, to the Pearls, to random gems she met, to her healing, to that one bug she saw on Earth while she was there that one time. What kind of bug was that? Steven couldn’t answer her- she was pretty bad at explaining things, apparently.

Finally, they arrived. The Reef.

The building was shaped like a clam from the outside, and on the inside, many different rooms branched off a large center and down extensive hallways. Steven had only been here once, and that had been back when they were trying to fix Volleyball, when he’d almost gotten she and Pearl rejuvenated…

WOW the flashbacks were not being nice to him today.

“Gee whiz,” Spinel gasped in awe as she took the place in, “this is the Reef? It’s so big!”

Steven gave a light chuckle. “This is just the entry room, Spinel. What we want are to go down one of the hallways branching off.” He pointed at the walls ahead of them, which all were doors, currently shut.

As Steven stepped off, Spinel bounced on ahead of him. There was a pedestal in the middle of the room with a hand receptor on it, which would activate the Reef once Steven touched it. Spinel seemed to piece this together quickly, and smacked her own hand on the control. Nothing happened.

“Aww, what?” She groaned. “This is controlled by elites, ain’t it?”

“I guess so,” Steven mused, wondering the same thing. “That would make sense, given the Era this place was built.” He touched his own hand down, and the building sprung to life.

Lights turned on overhead, and the iridescent blue shine increased tenfold. It wasn’t overwhelming, but the sudden brightness did make Steven flinch a bit.

“Welcome, Steven Universe,” the automated voice greeted overhead. “I am Shell, your guide to the Reef.”

“Uh, hello again,” Steven replied nervously. “I would like to… um…” he hesitated. He hadn’t thought of how to phrase this without Spinel getting suspicious of him. “I wanna- I wanted to see if you have any secondary repair stations here? Since I, um, kinda broke the last one?”

Out of the corner of his eye, Steven could see Spinel pause at his words, looking at him curiously with a hint of concern.

“Understood. Although there is not another Care Center,” Shell’s voice announced, “a good alternative would be the Emergence Center. Please follow the illuminated path to the Emergence Center.”

As she spoke, a series of lights lit up along the floor off to the pair’s left. The second door from the left began to open, and Steven could immediately see that it was relatively the same as the previous hallway. Many appearance modifiers shone through, highlighting peak Pearl fashion according to the elites that used to control their every action.

Spinel gasped in delight, then took off down the hall, her feet becoming a blur beneath her in her excitement. Steven followed along at a slower pace, not liking the familiar vibe this place was giving off.

_“Nothing like looking at glitzy tchotchkes to get you nostalgic for a simpler time. I mean really, who even needs junk like this, right Volleyball?”_

“STEVEN! Come look at this!”

Spinel’s cry of excitement brought the teen out of his thoughts once again (wow, she was a life saver today), and he realized he’d crossed through a good portion of the room without even realizing it. The zoning out was getting worse, too. He’d have to work on that.

Spinel was perched on her tip-toes in front of a display, featuring a pearl dressed in a flowing gown-like outfit, but cut open in the front to reveal her legs. The skirt-like dressing was made of multiple layers, and flowed like a ball gown from an old princess movie. The top part displayed poofy shoulder bits, flowing down the hologram’s arms like a waterfall. The torso was completely covered up, with little lines of what appeared to be beads running around the waist. The display wore gloves similar to Garnet’s in that they only covered one finger, though here it was the pointer finger. Being a hologram, it had no coloration other than light blue, but it was easy to imagine it as a shimmering gold, orange, purple, or pink.

Spinel reached out, like she wanted to touch it. “It’s so pretty,” she murmured.

“Find something you like?” Steven asked, coming to stand next to her to admire the outfit. “Isn’t that a bit… I dunno, restricting?” He imagined that outfits like that would get in the way of Spinel’s stretchy abilities.

“Hmm?” Spinel turned to him, her eyes having to refocus after being in her own little world for a moment. “Oh! Sheesh, that’s a nice thought, but no.” She smiled. “I was thinkin’ about getting’ it for one of the pearls in the palace! Though she’s not actually there at the moment, she decided to attend Little Homeschool on Earth.” She turned back to the outfit. “It could be a nice ‘welcome home’ present, right?”

“Uh, sure! If she likes outfits like that.” Steven gave Spinel a side-view look. She looked as though she were seriously thinking about the gift, which Steven found a bit odd. Spinel wasn’t the type of gem who thought about her actions first. Must be one special Pearl.

“Well, you stay here and decide, and I’m gonna, um… I’ll be up ahead.” Steven began to walk away, leaving Spinel to ponder on what gift would be best. Knowing her, she probably already picked out the ball gown-esk one, but wanted to look at the others ‘just to be sure’ (even though her mind was already made up at that point). She’d be a while.

Steven continued down the hall, suddenly feeling less sure of himself. He remembered the last time he’d been in a room in the Reef, with the sheer terror and horror at the thought of loosing Pearl because of his actions, along with rejuvenating an innocent gem. However, there was no one here but Spinel, and she was as far away as he could have hoped she’d be and more.

Once he stepped into the room, he was taken aback by how different it looked. There was a pad in the center of the room, just like the Care Center pad, but that was about the only similarity.

The rest of the room was set up like a laboratory in a science film.

Off to the far left, behind a wall of glass, there was what Steven assumed to be the left-most room in the Reef. In it, there were many individual glass cases. Inside each was a small egg-like shape: new Pearls. Some were larger than others, and the larger tended to have less sand and liquid in theirs than the smaller ones. The room appeared to be turned off, as there were no lights on, but the light coming from the Emergence Center was enough to reflect off the other.

The rest of the room was a large circle of gem machinery, with a small tube connecting everything together. One would be able to fit a baseball inside the tubes and have it roll around leisurely, but they weren’t much bigger than that.

Upon walking up to the first machine, Steven noticed that the tube connected to the left room, directly into the wall of forming pearls.

“Uhh, Shell, what is this place?” Steven asked, taking in everything as slowly and thoughtfully as he could.

“This is the Emergence Center,” Shell replied. “When a gem orders for a new Pearl, this is where the programming and preferences are done before it becomes yours.”

_It._ That word irked him.

Steven looked down the hallway again, making sure Spinel hadn’t gotten too close. She was still off fawning over outfits, more than halfway down the hall from here.. Even if she did hear, she wouldn’t be able to make it to him to stop him in time. Dread and more second-guessing set in as Steven realized that this was it. He looked down, away from the ignorant pink gem in the hallway. “…Do you happen to have a rejuvenator in here, too?”

“The Emergence Rejuvenation Station is located on the pad in the center of the room,” Shell announced dutifully.

“…shut the door.”

Just like that, the door to the room slid shut. Spinel was locked out, if she’d even noticed. He figured not, or if she did, she probably wouldn’t have thought of it as a big deal.

Taking a deep breath, Steven steeled himself and stepped onto the pad. “Shell,” he announced as commandingly as he could muster, “I need you to rejuvenate me.”

“I’m sorry,” Shell’s voice replied half-heartedly in its roboticness, “but I cannot do that. I am programmed to adhere to orders about Pearls, not other gems. If you would like me to rejuvenate a pearl, have one step forward.”

Steven hissed in anger under his breath. Of course this wasn’t going to just _be that easy._ When was anything ever just _that easy?_ He brought a hand up to his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose.

This _had_ to work. It just _had_ to.

Well, she would rejuvenate a pearl, right? There were plenty of pearls in the room next door. Surely, if he placed one of those on the pad, she’d follow his orders. That could work.

However, he had no idea how to place an order for a pearl, nor what would even happen to the pearl once he did. He did NOT want a pearl serving him; that was everything he tried to dismantle and more in Era 3. But, maybe he could order her to not follow him…? No, his dad tried that when _his_ Pearl got rejuvenated, back when Spinel attacked the Earth.

Well, maybe he could just un-program that from the pearl? This is where all programming was done, wasn’t it? It was worth a shot.

“Shell, I’d like to place an order for a Pearl,” Steven announced, standing up a bit straighter.

“Order received. One moment, please.”

The machinery around the room suddenly burst to life, the whirring of gears and other futuristic components filling the air. Through the window, Steven could see the room next door light up. He ran up to it, intrigued to see how this process went down.

One of the larger pearls, a purple-y lavender color, was selected. The containment box it was resting in lit up, the others growing dim around it. Then, a circular hole opened behind it, and the gem was sucked through. It disappeared behind the other containment boxes, until it reappeared again in the tube that connected to the room Steven was standing in. The gem slid into the first machine, disappearing again behind a green computer screen-like box that looked like it came straight out of the 1980’s. The display lit up on it, and a bunch of descriptions in Gem Glyph cycled along the lime green monitor.

“Pearl, RB-46, has been selected. Would you like to continue with this pearl?” Shell’s voice came not from the overhead as Steven was used to, but rather the 80’s monitor.

Steven didn’t know a whole lot of Gem Glyph, but he knew enough to make out a few basic things. The gem weighed exactly average (though its actual weight was in a measurement Steven didn’t understand), it was smooth all the way around, and it had a higher density than usual compared to pearls made here in the past. He… didn’t know what to do with any of that information. Was that important somehow?

“Uhhh, yes?” Steven answered unsurely. “That one’s fine.”

“Understood.” The gem suddenly was propelled from that machine and into the next, gliding through the tube without touching any of the sides. It almost looked like something you’d see in a marble maze.

The next station was more what Steven was used to in terms of Gem tech, with it being rounder than square and having a smoother finish to it. The display was one not attached to the machine at all, and Steven found it was actually tangible, and he could pick it up and walk around with it if he wanted to.

“Customize your pearl,” Shell’s voice suggested from the display, projecting a slight echo. “Currently displayed are default settings. You can reconfigure them as much as you like.”

Steven looked at the panel with uncertainty. Customizing a pearl… deciding who exactly she was going to be without her input… it just felt _wrong._ This whole thing felt _wrong._ But, he couldn’t back out. He had a plan. He had to follow through, for his friends. For his family. For everyone he had ever met or would meet down the line. He couldn’t disappoint them more than he already has.

Steven took the panel and sat on the pad in the center of the room, scrolling though the default settings. He wanted to interfere as little as possible, while at the same time, making sure to take away as much of this gem’s unconditional loyalty as possible, so she could decide for herself who she liked or didn’t like.

It was scary how much the settings emphasized that this gem would be loyal to her owner no matter what. Steven also noticed there were no settings for any type of personality, which was good? That would explain why pearls seemed to have their own freedom of thought despite being made specifically to serve and nothing else. The Diamonds didn’t even think to give any of them personalities, so they just created their own.

It was beautiful in a tragic, twisted way.

In the end, Steven decided on getting rid of almost all her loyalties, leaving only some in so he didn’t risk her going against literally everything he said (because Hollywood tended to make all kinda of movies about that happening with robots, and he did not want to experience that in real life, no siree).

Once he was satisfied, he clicked the proceed button at the bottom. More hard-to-decipher Gem Glyph popped up, and after a solid minute of staring at it, trying to decode it, Steven was able to put together that it was saying you couldn’t take those settings back once he accepted them.

_Good,_ he thought. _I don’t want anyone to be able to change her at any time._

He hit accept.

From there, the machines and displays became more about customizing the appearance rather than the mind. Steven selected all the defaults he could, in hopes that the gem would be able to choose her own look from the clothes display outside. It took five more panels (man, gems used to really care about what their servant looked like, huh), and once Steven was done, he pressed the final accept button.

The gem was shoved through one more machine, where it scanned for any imperfections, and filled in the in-betweens of Steven’s settings, which took about ten seconds total. Finding nothing, the custom Pearl that Steven created was dropped into a tray not unlike one you would see at a store, at a self-checkout, where the cents were dispensed. The gem rattled around for a second, before coming to a still.

Steven gulped, taking a step closer to it.

“Congratulations, Steven Universe,” Shell commented from above once again, “you have completed the customization of your own Pearl. Please wait while it begins to form.”

_Oh, stars, what was he DOING??_

He took a few more cautious steps closer, now standing over the tray. The soft purple tone of the pearl was beautiful to look at, and Steven found himself compelled to reach out and touch it. The only thing that stopped him was the memory of his own Pearl being rejuvenated, and only activating once again when his dad had picked up her gem. That was the moment Pearl had devoted herself to him, back when her memories had been wiped back to default.

Back when her programming had been wiped back to this very room.

The gem began to glow. It lifted out of the tray and floated to the center of the room, doing a careful maneuver around Steven’s head as it did so. A shell appeared around its exterior, symbolizing the first time this pearl in particular would be forming.

“Please identify yourself,” Shell’s voice came through the pearl now (at this rate, he’d be hearing her in his sleep).

Steven hesitated. He hadn’t touched the gem yet, so maybe this would be okay? But once he said his name, this gem would become loyal to him, right? What if his settings fix wasn’t enough? What if he missed something big? What if she did become his loyal pearl? What would the gems say? Ohhhh they were going to be furious with him when they saw her. What had he been _thinking?_ What was he supposed to do now? He couldn’t just-!

“Please identify yourself,” the pearl asked again in the same tone.

He had no choice. If his plan was going to work, he needed a pearl. He would work out the kinks later. For now, he needed to get his powers under control. He took a deep breath, making sure to enunciate (he did NOT want this gem referring to him as “my uhh Steven” or something like that), and announced to the room, “Steven Universe.”

“Greetings, Steven Universe,” the pearl said overly sweetly. “Please state preferred customization options.”

Now that question was a bit ridiculous, when thinking about all the programming he’d just spent easily the past 20 minutes on, but _alright._ Pearls had a process, he supposed. “No custom settings necessary, other than the order that I am NOT her owner.” Steven almost didn’t mention the last part, but realized at the last second that none of the settings had been written with the intention of an ownerless pearl.

“Order not recognized. Please try again.”

Steven blinked in surprise. “I am not this pearl’s owner,” he announced again.

“Order not recognized. Please try again.”

Steven took a few steps back in surprise. “This pearl does not belong to anyone,” he tried one more time. _Please let this work,_ Steven begged to himself.

“Order not recognized. Please try again.”

Sighing, the teen realized that old Homeworld ideals would continue to haunt him as long as old gem tech existed. He gave in, slumping over in defeat. “No orders given.”

“Default settings have been selected. Please stand by.” The gem then rose further into the air, the shell around it glowing brighter for a second, before it floated closer to the ground. The shell opened up, and from it, a brand new Pearl spun out. She rose upwards, posed elegantly. Her gem followed along once it was in its proper place, which was revealed to be her naval, just like Steven’s own and Volleyball. Was that on purpose or a coincidence? Steven wasn’t sure.

The gem stepped down, opening her eyes. Steven blinked a few times, taking in the new, friendly face in front of him.

Her whole color scheme was a soft purple color. Her hair was more vibrant, with strands coming down along the side of her face, then coming to a point in the back, similar to his own Pearl’s hair, but rounder and closer to her head. She had the same point nose and round eyes, round face, and slender form. For clothes, she currently was dressed in what appeared to be a swimsuit, with a pair of flats on her feet similar to Steven’s sandals.

She blinked at Steven, then looked around the room. She spun a bit in place, trying to see all of it, and wound up doing a 360, ending back on Steven.

The teen cleared his throat as they made eye contact again. “Uhhh, hello,”he greeted shakily, still not fully comprehending what he’d just done. He gave a small wave, brows creased and features tensed.

The pearl took in his actions curiously. She looked at her own hand, then gave a small wave back at Steven, trying to mimic him. “Um, hello,” she greeted back.

_C’mon, get it together, Steven,_ he scolded himself. _You’re here for a reason, remember?_

“Um, I’m Steven, a-and I, um, just made you. N-not that you belong to me or anything!” Steven held his hands up in front of himself, taking a subconscious step backwards. “You’re allowed to do whatever you want now! Um, I just need you to do one favor for me, and then you’re off the hook. Forever. What do you say?”

The pearl blinked at him, watching his movements carefully. “Oh, I suppose I could do one thing for you,” she replied carefully. She gave him a small, encouraging smile. “What is it?”

Steven looked down, not meeting her eyes. “I need you to stand still.”

She was standing on the pad already. She was in position.

“Shell, I need you to-“

“Oh _Steeeeee-veeeeeen!_ Guess who finally picked out the _best outfit_ in the Ree-eeeeef?” Spinel’s voice cut through from beyond the door. “I’m all ready to head on out, whenever you’re ready!”

“Uhh! Just a moment!”

“Steven, who is that?” The pearl pointed towards the door, looking at him curiously. “She sounds nice!”

“Steven? Who is _that?!”_ Spinel’s voice spoke from the other side. “What’s goin’ on?”

“Just a minute Spinel!” Steven’s hands flew up to his head, the pink glow threatening to reveal itself at any second.

“Awaiting orders, Steven Universe,” Shell announced dutifully.

This was too much. Everything was too much. Why did Spinel pick now to come visit him?! Any other time would have been _GREAT!_

“Shell, I need you to rejuvenate this pearl!” Steven practically yelled out.

“WHAT?!” Spinel’s shout of shock cut through the door. “Steven, lemme in, what are ya doin’-?“

“Understood.” Two clam shells suddenly stretched up from the floor. “Rejuvenation sequence activated.”

“W-wait? What’s going on?” The pearl was now terrified, watching the walls appear around her. She took a more sturdy stance, her hands raising up in self-defense that would do nothing for her.

“STEVEN!” Spinel’s voice sounded mad now.

Just before the two clam shells began to clamp together, Steven allowed himself to glow pink one final time. The world slowed down around him, and he was able to run onto the pad. He gently grasped the terrified new pearl and ran her out of the way, before turning around and ducking back in himself. He took a deep breath, giving himself one last moment of calm before the pain he knew would follow rejuvenation. Then, he released the glow.

The walls clamped down. The pearl screeched in fear and surprise. A loud banging began to sound on the Reef’s door. Spinel’s voice, angry, scared, and confused, was screaming his name. The pearl was screaming his name.

Because all entities were still in the room, the Reef didn’t stop to question what had just transpired. Shell had been given an order, and by all logical means, nothing had changed over the past literal second.

The inner walls lit up slightly, just before the electric waves began to rake Steven’s body from the ground up.

At first, he bit down on his scream. This was what he’d wanted, right? He’d been hit with a rejuvenator before, the little hand-held version, but this… this felt different. This felt w _orse._ The pain was constant instead of being sudden. The hard light that ran through his body, parallel to his veins, went ridged, sending him into the gem equivalent of shock. His body went stock still, spasms shaking out his arms and legs every now and then.

After a few seconds, he couldn’t hold it in. He _screamed._ It hurt, oh it hurt, and it seemed never-ending.

Was Shell waiting for him to poof?! He couldn’t poof! Did that mean she was going to _KILL_ him?!

Steven fell against a wall, then collapsed onto his knees as his legs buckled from underneath him. His gem was beginning to burn from the constant flow of electricity.

The pain was so great, Steven almost didn’t hear the banging sounds on the outside of the shell he was trapped in. But, as they kept getting louder and louder, the walls began to shake in time with the banging. A voice- two voices?- screamed from the other side, but he had no hope in figuring out what they were saying.

Suddenly, with one last, loud, _BANG!,_ the walls of the shell cracked open. A pair of enlarged, pink fists shot through the new opening, following through on the momentum needed to break the walls in the first place. At once, the pain began to stop. Steven knew he would be sore for a long while, though, but he was just relieved that the majority was gone now. However, the soreness was brought to the front of his mind when the pair of gloves grabbed him kinda tightly and yanked him out of his enclosure and right into Spinel’s angry, tear-streaked face.

“STEVEN UNIVERSE, I DON’T CARE IF YOU HAVE THE BEST EXCUSE IN THE _WORLD,_ DON’T YOU _EVER_ DO THAT AGAIN, YA HEAR ME!?” She shook him, hard enough that he gasped in pain, gripping his shoulders tighter. “Rejuvenation? What in the cosmos is _WRONG_ with you??”

Steven was exhausted. His eyelids drooped, his eyes were surely bloodshot, he felt drained and empty. He was almost sure that one more squeeze and he’d wither into dust and blow away. Pain gripped every part of his body, but was especially concentrated in places Spinel was currently grabbing pretty harshly. Despite this, he managed a small smile that was _so close_ to being genuine, and looked into Spinel’’s eyes. “Nothing,” he croaked out. “Not anymore.”

And with that, he passed out.


	2. Quite the Shock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Spinel doesn’t know what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw for (temporarily) shattered gems, a small panic attack, self-deprivation, everyone being Very Concerned, and ep-18 vibes.
> 
> (I forgot to add this in whoops)  
> 1930’s slang guide:  
> Berries- phrase similar to that of “the bees’ knees”, meaning great  
> The hot seat- the electric chair, a torture devise discontinued in the 1950’s. This phrasing in particular suggests death by electricity (“He’s been given the hot seat!”)
> 
> If I missed/forgot any let me know.

Spinel knew from the moment she first saw Steven back on Homeworld, something was _seriously_ off with him. As a friend, she was prone to picking up on other’s distresses. Unfortunately, she was not very good at dealing with other people’s problems (which may or may not be part of the reason she attacked the Earth a year ago). That was Steven’s department, it seemed.

Over the year she’d been living and healing with the Diamonds, Spinel had learned over and over again that trying to talk about other people’s feelings and helping them through them just added to her own stress, since then she felt like she _had_ to fix that in order to move on, thus they became her own problems in the process, and with her running herself ragged trying to fix a problem she had no clue how to fix, like a thousand-year-old, broken relationship between four Diamonds… it proved too much too fast.

Instead, her department was helping people take their minds off their troubles! She was built to entertain, and that’s what she was good at. That’s what made her _feel_ good. When she knew someone was struggling, if she could make them smile, that was one of the best feelings in the world. So, she kept her head held high with pride when a sad expression turned to one of laughter. That was more than enough, and always, people thanked her for helping them, even though she didn’t do much in the long run.

She was making a difference.

So, when Steven dragged himself into the throne room radiating unpleasant emotions, Spinel knew she had to do something! Plus, she would have wanted to hang out with him, anyways- it had been way too long! She practically flew to his side, gave him a side hug and a friendly kiss on the cheek, and-!

Well, let’s just say Steven was crankier than she expected him to be. Or maybe she’d crossed a “boundary,” as Blue and Yellow kept saying. Either way, maybe being that upfront was a bad move, since Steven immediately yelled at her. He also lit up like a star, burning a bright, neon pink color. Spinel had never seen anything like it before, but she tried to keep face so as to not make him more upset. It must have worked, since he stopped glowing, and from there, she kept her distance. Steven seemed a bit more comfortable after that, so she’d say she did a good job.

Soon after, Steven told her he wanted to bring her someplace special. Looking back, Spinel could see that his smile wasn’t quite right, and fit on his face oddly. He wasn’t exactly _lying,_ as she would realize later, but in his eyes, bending the truth was probably close to it. So he had a lying face.

Spinel had been so excited, she’d forgotten about helping Steven. She’d seen him smile and had assumed everything was better! He whisked them off to the wonderful world of the Pearl, off to the Reef! And, oh, what a stellar place to be! Spinel could see why the pearls in the palace spoke so highly of the place. It was spacious, but not scarily so, and just screamed comfort. Spinel had planned on going back if she ever needed to just relax for a while.

She should have known something was still off when Steven locked himself in the room at the end of the hall. She should have _definitely_ realized something was wrong when he spent what seemed like half of an Earth hour in there, alone. But, she was so busy picking out a nice outfit for Volleyball that she hadn’t even really thought about it.

Spinel had spent such a long time picking out the dress. Apparently, when “customizing a Pearl’s appearance,” you chose one of the outfits around the room, and then modified each individual piece to your liking! It was _berries!_

After about fifteen minutes of picking an outfit, then being pleasantly surprised at the custom options, Spinel spent a good ten minutes making sure the outfit was perfect. Of course, she chose the first dress that caught her eye (it was the _best one in the room,_ after all), then proceeded to make it her own. She thinned out the bottom piece a bit, since it had too many layers and looked heavy. She turned the shoes to match her own a bit more, though decided against adding the spikey bit on the toe. The torso and arms stayed the same, with the gloves becoming shorter, matching Spinel’s in length, and had it cover all the fingers instead of just one. Then, she made the outfit a pink color.

The gown was being custom made, so it would take a few moments for everything to come together behind the scenes, so Spinel had run off in excitement down the hall, coming to the door and giving a small, rhythmic knock.

“Oh _Steeeeee-veeeeeen!_ Guess who finally picked out the _best outfit_ in the Ree-eeeeef?” She called through excitedly. “I’m all ready to head on out, whenever you’re ready!” The pink gem figured that the dress would be done by the time they got back, what with Steven’s walking speed being so much slower than usual. She could just snatch it on the way by!

“Uhh! Just a moment!” Steven’s voice was shaky, and Spinel realized with a jolt that maybe leaving him alone had made whatever it was worse.

“Steven, who is that?”

Spinel jumped a literal foot in the air. She and Steven had come in here _alone!_ How did- where did- how could anyone else have come in? “Steven? Who is _that?!”_ Spinel pushed herself up against the door, trying to look through the cracks. “What’s goin’ on?”

“Just a minute, Spinel!” Steven’s stressed voice screamed back at her. Gosh, he sounded like he was afraid of something. What in tarnation was _happening_ in there?

“Awaiting orders, Steven Universe.” The robotic voice of Shell cut through the door as well.

“Shell, I need you to rejuvenate this pearl!”

Time froze.

Spinel was back on the injector, looking down at Steven for the first time. Back then, all she could see was the source of her problems, the descendant of her best friend. She had been filled with so much rage, that she attacked him without ever thinking about the consequences, nor who he was, his life, his struggles… none of that mattered in that moment. All Spinel cared about was revenge, a catharsis she would never really get because Pink Diamond was not around to give that catharsis.

She could feel the hand held devise in her gem, the one she’d stolen from the temple in the Garden, where she also found out about the biopoison injector and where it was located. She could feel the weight of it, unfamiliar to her, and yet in the moment she pulled it out, she swung it like it had been _made_ for her. That was the weapon that made the end of Steven’s world possible, since with his powers and his friends, the injector would have been easily taken care of (maybe. Probably. With what Spinel knew about that group now, she didn’t doubt it). But, by taking those things away, it was a race against time to get them back rather than deal with her injector.

The rejuvenator took everything from him, if only temporarily, because Spinel was too blinded by hatred to see who the real enemy was.

Did Steven feel that hate, too? Towards whom? Spinel could only imagine it at one of his enemies, _maybe,_ but the other person in the room with him was a pearl, apparently. She only knew of four pearls that he knew of, and those would be his guardian Pearl, Volleyball, and the other two that used to belong to Yellow and Blue. Did he hate them? Why?

Spinel broke herself out of her shock enough to shout, “WHAT?!” She took a few steps away from the door, as if the door itself were the source of the hatred Spinel had failed to pick up on (how had she missed HATRED? That was an emotion she connected to strongly, and tended to make itself known pretty fast!). She frowned in determination, rushing towards the barrier and slamming her shoulder into it. “Steven, lemme in,” she demanded, “what are ya doin’-?“

“Understood,” Shell interrupted her. The gem heard the sounds of two smooth objects rubbing against each other- something was happening in that room. “Rejuvenation sequence activated.”

“W-wait? What’s going on?” The unnamed pearl in the room’s voice shook, genuine fear in her voice. She didn’t sound like any pearl Spinel could easily recognize. Who _was_ she? Why did Steven hate her? What was going _on???_

“STEVEN!” Spinel raised her fists to pound on the door in rage. How _dare_ he even _think_ hatred of anyone was a good idea! Didn’t he know that hate only bred more hate, and that it would consume him, and once he realized, it would haunt him forever? There was no taking back actions fueled by anger and malice. You’d think that, after spending so much time fighting it, he’d know this!

The sound of two hard objects smacked together. The pearl cried out in shock and fear. Spinel’s eyes were beginning to tear up at the thought of every terrible thing that could potentially be happening in that cursed room. She brought her fists down on the door again, feeling it vibrate a bit beneath her.

It was a barrier, but barriers could be broken.

“Hang on, I’m-“ Spinel tried to call out to the pearl, to tell her that help was on the way, but a scream cut her off. Surprisingly, it was not the pearl, but Steven himself. It started off low, then it escalated into a shriek. The pearl’s voice was speaking frantically, though what she was saying, Spinel couldn’t tell.

She had to get inside. She had to figure out what was happening and _stop it._

Spinel began to pound on the door, increasing the size of her fists with her stretchy, elastic abilities. Each pound on the door grew louder, more powerful, and more desperate. It took four attempts, but once the door cracked, Spinel was able to easily punch her way in.

She froze. In front of her was a pearl she’d never seen before, being a light purple in color. The gem was staring wide-eyed at a giant clam in the middle of the room, not daring to get closer but also too scared to run away. She was shouting words, though Spinel couldn’t even begin to make out what they were. Above the clam there was a live video feed of Steven, trapped somewhere, and being given the hot seat, if Spinel knew any better.

So that’s why Steven had wanted to come here. To rejuvenate _himself._ Why would Spinel ever even think Steven would hate someone, let alone go out of his way to harm someone like this? Didn’t explain why he himself thought he should be rejuvenated, though, and Spins was _going to find out._

In one leap forward, Spinel was upon the clam. She could hear his screaming coming from inside of it, and any doubts that Steven may be elsewhere vanished like smoke. Using the same technique from earlier, Spinel pounded on it until the walls gave in and broke. Her hands shot inside from the force, and she felt the shock of something akin to static electricity shoot down her hands for just a second. Then, she felt around until her hand touched soft material, grabbed that a bit harder than she’d meant to, and yanked Steven out as fast as she possibly could.

She briefly considered slapping him across the face, but one look at his worn-out features deterred her from doing so. Instead, she started shaking him back and forth, still openly crying. “STEVEN UNIVERSE,” she screamed out in rage, “I DON’T CARE IF YOU HAVE THE BEST EXCUSE IN THE _WORLD,_ DON’T YOU _EVER_ DO THAT AGAIN, YA HEAR ME!?” She forced herself to bring her voice down- yelling probably wasn’t helping. “Rejuvenation? What in the cosmos is _W_ _RONG_ with you??”

That dumb organic had the gall to give her a soft smile. “Nothing,” he replied, voice barely above a whisper. “Not anymore.” Then, he went limp in her arms, his gaze glossing over as he went to sleep at the worst possible time.

Spinel nearly dropped him, having been caught off-guard by his surprise nap. “Steven? Hey, this is no time for sleeping, you gotta answer me! What’s goin’ on?”

His head lolled around uncommitedly to any direction.

That scared her enough to drop him. He landed with a dull _thud!_ on the floor, limbs splaying around limply. He was still breathing, thank the _stars_ , but the terror of the past two minutes made themselves reality in that moment. Something was seriously, _seriously_ wrong. Had it been the rejuvenator? Steven couldn’t poof, so what had been his plan for getting back out? Did he have one? The nutcase never really thought that far ahead, did he? Did his family know about this? What about that one human girl, did she know?

“E-excuse me,” a soft voice spoke up. “Is… is she okay?”

Spinel turned to see the pearl finally have the courage to take a few steps forward. Her lavender eyes were filled with fear, anxiety, and worry, along with a few unshed tears. A hand was outstretched towards Steven and Spinel, but she seemed reluctant to come any closer. Spinel felt like she had a pretty good understanding of why.

“I… I dunno,” Spinel replied honestly. She turned back to the sleeping teen, watching his chest rise and fall. “I’ve never seen him… do something like this before.”

The pearl blinked, then mustered up the courage to come closer. She knelt down on Steven’s other side, her hand still reached out towards him, wondering if she should touch him or not. “Do you know her well?”

If Steven were awake, Spinel knew he would _not_ want to hear that. “He,” Spinel said. “He’s a ‘he’. And… yeah, I know him. Though…” Spinel faltered. Maybe she didn’t know him very well, if she’d let all these tells go past her without her noticing. “…I dunno if knowin’ him ‘well’ is the right term…”

“Oh.” The purple gem looked away, processing this. She fidgeted with her fingers for a moment before looking back up at Spinel. “Where are we?”

“This is the Reef.” Spinel cringed at her own words. The whole idea seemed tainted now.

“The Reef?”

“Yeah. This is where… Pearls are made…” It clicked. That’s where this random gem had come from- Steven _made_ her. But why? And why threaten to rejuvenate her? Spinel was sure there was a logical explanation to all of this, but for the life of her, se couldn’t imagine what it could possibly be. Steven wasn’t the type of gem to want a personal pearl, so this had to run deeper than that.

The purple gem perked up in surprise. “I’m Pearl,” she stated, almost in wonder. She looked around at the room again. “I was created here?” She gave a soft giggle to herself, though it seemed a bit forced. “That would explain a few things!”

Spinel managed a small smile of her own. “Yeah.” If only she could say the same for herself.

She reached out to lightly stroke Steven’s hair, taking in his features again, making sure to study him properly this time. He was very dirty, and his skin felt clammy. He had bags and lines under his eyes, and even a few lines on his eyelids. Even in sleep, his brows were furrowed. Sweat slid down his forehead. Spinel’s own expressions softened, realizing that this wasn’t some spur-of-the-moment thing, or if it had been, the events leading up to this decision had been numerous. There was no way he should be this stressed over a minor thing. Something was seriously, _dreadfully_ wrong, and Spinel had failed to see it until it was too late.

Watching Spinel pet his head gave the purple Pearl her own courage to finally touch Steven. She lightly tapped his shoulder, and when nothing bad happened, she began petting it, mimicking the way Spinel was running her hand over Steven’s forehead and hairline.

They sat in silence for a moment, each mulling over the past few minutes.

After a moment, the Pearl’s voice spoke up again. “Why did he make me? He told me that I don’t belong to him, and I… don’t feel like I should belong to him, anyway. But he made it seem like a big deal.”

Spinel found she could picture _that_ interaction in her head quite easily, and found herself chuckling despite it. “I dunno why he created ya, but he’s right. You don’t belong to anyone.”

“Is that important?”

Spinel turned to her, giving her a genuine smile. “More than you know.” She turned to look back at Steven, getting an idea. “I can help ya figure out what all that means, if you want. But first, I want to know what’s going on myself. Steven ain’t the kind of gem to just suddenly wanna make a new gem- there’s gotta be more to it than that. But I have no idea what that could be.”

The pearl hummed in thought, bringing her free hand up to her chin. “I think I’d like that, thank you.” She smiled at Spinel. “I’m Pearl RB-46.”

“Spinel.” Spins smiled at her new friend. “It’s nice ta meet’cha.”

“And to you, too!”

After that, the two gems began idle chit-chat, mostly consisting of the lavender pearl asking questions and Spinel answering to the best of her ability. The pink gem found herself distracted, though. There was no way Steven’s family would ever be okay with this, and they had to know as soon as possible. They had to fix this somehow, and find Steven’s pieces once again to get his powers back.

…But, did he even _want_ his powers back? He himself rejuvenated himself, so there must be a reason. Spinel could recall faintly Steven saying something about wayward powers back on Homeworld, while he was convincing Spinel to go with him. There must be something new, then, something that he wanted nothing to do with. But what could be so bad that he’d be willing to take away all of his powers in sacrifice of keeping that one power at bay? The fact Spinel didn’t know was killing her.

“Alright, we can’t wait for ol’ Steve-o here ta wake up,” Spinel announced. “We gotta take him back ta his family and figure out what’s goin’ on here. They probably know more than we do.”

“That’s a good idea,” Purple Pearl clapped her hands together. “How do we get there?”

“We warp there.” Spinel grinned at her friend. “It’s a fun trip, usually. I think you’ll like it.”

With that, Spinel got to her feet. She placed a hand on Steven’s chest, and a bubble formed around him. His body curled up in response to the sudden lack of room, but there was plenty of space inside for him to still feel comfortable.

“Strange, I’ve usually only bubbled objects before,” Spinel realized aloud. “Never thought I’d bubble _someone else_.”

The pearl looked at the bubble in delight. “That’s so cool!” She gasped. “Can all gems do that? Could I?”

“I _think_ so,” Spinel replied. “All gems I’ve met so far haven’t told me otherwise. I can show you once we figure out what’s goin’ on, kay?” The former playmate gave her new pal a nudge with her elbow. “Now c’mon; this way.”

Spinel and Pearl RB-46 stepped through the broken doors and began to trek down the hall, the pearl following behind the playmate a bit. The lights overhead had dimmed down, though one part of the room remained brightly lit. On display was the gown Spinel had made. She looked at it with a tired expression as she walked past, but didn’t stop to grab it. She had bigger priorities now.

When the two reached the warp pad, Spinel finally turned back to look down the hallway again. The pearl had hopped up next to her, following her gaze to the now completely-dark hallway. The entranceway was still very bright, however, as the Reef had not yet been shut down.

Oh well. Sucks to be the Reef, but Spinel had other things to worry about.

“Now, this will be a bit weird at first,” Spinel began, still looking down the hallway, “but warping can be really fun once ya get used to it. Just try to hold on to me and you’ll be-“ She turned her head to meet her companion’s eyes, and instead was met with the sight of a large purple bubble. Two lithe arms held it up like a hug, but those and her bottom half were all Spinel could see of the Pearl.

Inside the bubble, blocking Spin’s view, was the dress.

“Umm, where didja get that…?” The friend asked uncertainly. That bubble was way too big- the dress could stand upright inside. It looked like it was still on display!

“I found it in the hallway!” A lavender face leaned out from the side of the bubble, her smile beaming. “I thought it looked pretty, so I grabbed it! Doesn’t it look nice?”

Spinel blinked in surprise. “Oh, uh, yeah, it does.”

“I thought so.” Purple Pearl’s smile widened. “I thought I heard you say something about the _best outfit in the Reef,_ so I thought you might want it back.” She gave Spinel an understanding look. “I can give it to you once your hands aren’t full.”

“Wow.” Spinel’s lips curved up without her consent. “That’s… real nice of ya. Thanks.”

“Oh, it was the least I could do!”

“Well, ya better stand straight. I’m gonna try my best to make sure you don’t wander off on me while we’re warpin’, alright?”

“Sounds good to me. Lead the way, Spinel!”

With that, the sharp _shing!_ of the warp went off, and the two gems left the Reef behind, the system automatically shutting off without their presence inside. The halls went pitch black, and any door that could close did, hiding away the destroyed Emergence Center from view.

* * *

The skies were dark, and the wind was wild. Lightning, uncharged, latched to the air, sending shivers down Steven’s spine. The smell of rain tinted the air. It was a dreary day.

But, that didn’t matter. Right now, Steven was hovering a good 50 feet off the ground, and a massive grin split his face. He looked down at his opponents, feeling more free and happy than he had in _months._

“You were right,” he announced. He felt his gem buzz from the energy and excitement of it all. “I _have_ been holding back.”

Then, he threw the massive pink wall down at his opponents, watching as they all vanished from view. Jasper, Bluebird, Aquamarine, Eyeball, all three Diamonds (though shrunken somehow??), and Spinel all vanished beneath a shower of boulders, rocks, and dirt. They didn’t even poof, they just _vanished._ It felt amazing!

Then, he blinked. He was standing on the ground, over their shattered remains. He reached down to look closer, noting that all of them were here.

“Steven… how could you do this?” He jumped at the sound, then turned to see his family watching him. The gems, Connie, and his dad all were tensed with wide eyes, like they were watching a horror movie. Pearl’s eyes welled with tears, her features tensed with shock and fear. “Did you really hate them that much?”

“No, I-I didn’t,” Steven shouted back. Rain began to fall, quickly becoming a torrent, making it difficult to see them. “I didn’t mean to!”

The rain turned black, hiding everything around Steven away from his sight except for his immediate surroundings; the shards by his feet.

“Oh, but I think you _did_ mean to.” Jasper knelt down and looked at the shards. “Tch. Pathetic. They couldn’t have saved themselves if they’d wanted to. _You_ couldn’t have saved them if you’d wanted to.”

“No, that’s not true,” Steven murmured, reaching out to touch Jasper’s shards. “I wanted to help you, I wanted to help all of you! You just wouldn’t let me!”

“I never saw you trying to help me,” Aquamarine piped up from his other side. She and Eyeball both entered his area of vision. “You just told me I was wrong. And look where that got me.”

“No, no no no no, that’s not true!” Steven’s eyes welled up. “I offered you all a new way!”

“And anyone who doesn’t follow that way must be _purged!_ ” Jasper eyed him knowingly. “I’m proud of you. You’re finally living up to your potential, My Diamond.”

Steven sank to his knees, curled over himself with his hands in his hair. “No,” he repeated to himself, over and over.

“And what is a Diamond?” Blue asked, coming to stand next to Aquamarine. “A Diamond is a good leader, dependable and unafraid to take risks to benefit the greater good. You do that all the time, do you not?”

“Blue’s right,” Yellow added, standing beside Jasper. Steven found himself surrounded, with Aquamarine, Eyeball, Bluebird, and Blue Diamond on his right, with Jasper and Yellow Diamond on his left. “You have always put your own feelings behind you in order to benefit a greater cause. There is nothing more Diamond than that.”

“Stop it,” Steven hissed to the ground, trying to block them out. But their voices were in his head now, and he couldn’t escape them if he tried. “Shut up, please shut up.”

“And what is a Diamond…” White stepped forward, Yellow and Blue parting for her to do so, “without her own Pearl?”

The pearl Steven had made stepped out from around White, smiling at him with a fake happiness. Her hands were crossed over each other in the Diamond salute, and in her eyes, Steven saw only endless, unconditional loyalty to a tyrant.

“What do you command of me, My Diamond?”

* * *

_“AAAAAAAAH!”_ Steven shot upright, nearly hitting his own knees as he did so. He panted hard, the visions of his nightmare fresh in his head, the images of all those shattered gems by his feet, of that pearl he’d created serving him _just because she was supposed to_ , and everything else…

He realized after a second that he wasn’t lying down on a flat surface. Instead, he was surrounded by hard light on all sides, shaped in a sphere. Briefly, he found himself claustrophobic as he tried to remember how in stars he got there. He squirmed, pushing against the dome he was trapped in, trying to figure out how to get _out._ The cyan light reflected harshly off of his eyes, causing them to hurt a bit.

“Hey hey hey, calm down there, Steven!” A familiar voice called out to him. “You’re safe! I gotcha!”

Still breathing hard, Steven blinked a few times, trying to get his panicked mind back under control. He was in a pink sphere, darker than his own pink bubbles. He was in a bubble. Outside the bubble was a harsh cyan color- the warp stream. Hands on his bubble, large and cartoony- Spinel’s hands. Her hands, her bubble. Okay. We can work with that.

“I… what happened?” He turned so that he could see her, his eyes adjusting to the light, causing the pain to go away.

Spinel was holding onto the bubble with her hands, though one of her arms was also looped around another figure, the pearl he had made. She also carried a bubble, and for the life of him, Steven could not see any part of her upper half past the particularly stunning dress blocking his view.

Was that the dress that Spinel had made? It turned out really well, Steven had to admit, but... _why was the pearl carrying it?_

“Well, that’s what I wanna know.” Spinel gave him a hard look, almost glaring. “What in stars were you thinking?”

“I…” Steven scratched the back of his head, looking away. “I um… wanted to check up on the Reef? It’s been so long since anyone used it, and I wanted to- I needed to make sure everything was running smoothly. And it, um, wasn’t, since the rejuvenator got set off, and-“

“Do I look stupid to ya?”

Steven jumped at the question, turning back to Spinel. Her face was next to unreadable, for as calm as she appeared to be, but Steven could sense something else there, too. “What?”

“Well, ya must think I’m stupid er somethin’, since you really believe I’m gonna believe you right now.” Spinel looked to the pearl, then back at him. “I _heard_ you tell Shell to rejuvenate somebody. Plus, you made a pearl. Somethin’ is off, and yer gonna tell me what it is.”

Offended, Steven’s gaze hardened. “Yeah, well, you’re the one who’s making the pearl carry stuff! What’s up with that?” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I get that Homeworld is different and it’ll take a while to adjust, but I thought that was one of the easier concepts to-“

“Oh, no worries!” Purple Pearl leaned out from around the bubbled dress for a second to smile at him. “I wanted to help Spinel take this dress out of there! She had her hands full with you!”

Skepticism about Purple Pearl’s motives began to stir inside of him, but he dropped it for now. He had other things to worry about, like being trapped in a bubble and warping somewhere without his consent.

“So, now that we got _that_ figured out,” Spinel grumbled, “mind tellin’ me what yer deal is?”

Steven looked away. “…You don’t wanna know.”

“Oh, I think I do. After all, you’re not the only one who knows what rejuvenators are capable of. You knew full well what you were doing, and I want in on the know. So _spill._ ”

“Well, you can forget about it,” Steven shot back, still facing away. “That’s none of your business.”

He heard Spinel take a deep breath. “Steven,” she murmured in a softer tone, “it became my business the minute one of my friends started getting hurt.”

The tenseness left his body, regret starting to replace it. She was just concerned about him, right? Wouldn’t he do the same thing in her shoes?

But, he couldn’t tell her. He hurt people, and now she and this new pearl who had only been alive for less than an hour were hurt because of him. But, now, hopefully, things would be better. He had his powers under control now, so it didn’t matter.

“Look, I know you probably think it’s none of my business, but… you scared me, okay? Ya scared both of us.” Spinel paused. “I just wanna know… what power was so bad that you’d sacrifice all of it entirely to get rid of it?”

Despite the walls Steven was putting up around himself, Spinel’s words were beginning to get through to him. He wanted to tell her, he really did. But, in doing so, he would just hurt her. She’d worry more, or think that he was stupid, or take him to his family, or some other terrible thing he wasn’t thinking of. 

“…The point is that it’s under control now, so it doesn’t matter anymore,” Steven eventually replied. “Just let me go, _please.”_

“Can’t do that, buddy,” the former playmate declared. “We’re takin’ you ta Earth, where you can exp-“

“WAIT!” Steven spun around to look at her, eyes wide. “Y-you can’t take me to Earth! I-I’m just gonna- I’ll- I’ll be- people are going to-“

“What? People are gonna what? Demand answers from you?” Spinel shot back. “Good, I’m right there with ‘em! Something is wrong, and I’m done pretending that it ain’t!”

The pearl shifted uncomfortably beside her. “Spinel is right,” she spoke up softly. “You really scared us.”

“I- no, nothing’s wrong.” Steven forced himself to smile. The light was back in his eyes, the dark brown irises now surrounding the bright reflection. “I got it under control! Everything’s fine now! _I’m_ fine now! I took care of it, and I officially can’t hurt anyone anymore!”

Spinel’s eyes widened, and she looked away.

Finally, the stream ended. All three of them touched down on Earth, Steven still stuck in Spinel’s bubble, and the purple pearl now free to roam. Both gems gasped at the wonder that was Little Homeschool, looking around in excitement.

“This… is Earth?” The pearl beamed excitedly. “There’s so much to _see-!”_

Spinel giggled. “Yeah! Man, you all really fixed up this joint since the last time I was here!”

“Oh, yeah, it was a team effort!” Steven smiled at them. “Everyone came together to fix the buildings and roads while I worked on getting all the poison away.”

Spinel cringed, doing a double take around the area. “…D’ya think I’m welcome here?”

Steven waved a hand at her, completely relaxed (or at least trying to appear to be). “Yeah, don’t worry about it. Everyone’s welcome here. In fact, your experiences in trying to kill the Earth and me might even earn you friends here! I hear those are common bonding topics.”

Spinel seemed to brighten just a bit at that, though the regret was still obvious.

“So, what happens on Earth?” The pearl asked, setting her bubble down. “What’s the purpose?”

“Huh?” Steven looked at her curiously, the odd lighting in his eyes deciding to stick around.

“The purpose. The Reef is where the pearls are made. Are any gems made here?”

“Oh yeah, lots!” Steven pointed to a group of amethysts. “Those purple gems over there were all made on Earth, as well as a whole bunch more! But, where you are is a place where all gems come together to live and to learn! In fact,” Steven gave Spinel a look, “I could give you both a tour if you _let me out of this bubble.”_

“Not a chance, Steve-o,” Spinel deadpanned. “Where’s your house?”

“Located at the end of the tour, of course!” Steven’s smile was a bit too wide. “I’ll take you there in a bit. For now, I’m sure our new friend would really like to settle in.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that for me,” the lavender gem said shyly, looking away from him. “I’m with Spinel on this one. I want to help you, first.” She met his eyes again, a bit nervous but determined.

Steven froze. “I… don’t want you to,” he said, slowly. “I think you should… go there-“ he pointed at a metallic-looking building- “and ask Bismuth for a tour. She’d be more than happy to give you one.”

Why did she want to help him? She barely knew him, so there was no way she was doing this for his sake unless she felt like she had to. She didn’t know she had a choice in this. She was serving him, she was his own personal pearl, _he was officially a Diamond now, he was awful-!_

Now, it wasn’t every day that new gems just arrived in Little Homeschool, so this event was already going to draw attention, but the fact that Steven Universe was encased in one of their bubbles, and one of those gems happened to be the same who nearly destroyed their home about a year ago- now _that_ would draw a crowd, and a large one at that. Gems big and small gathered around to see what they were saying, and among those in the crowd happened to be some of Steven’s friends.

“Alright alright, MOVE ALREADY!” A voice shouted. Gems recognized that voice and stepped aside, allowing Lapis Lazuli and Peridot to squeeze through. The blue gem was tensed and prepared to throw, be it words or enemies she wasn’t sure yet, while the green technician was curious more than anything.

“Steven, what am I looking at?” Lapis demanded, looking spitefully at Spinel. “Did these two gems kidnap you or something?”

“Oh, no no, nothing like that.” Steven’s wild gaze looked away from her, towards the sky. “I asked Spinel to come. I didn’t know we were headed to Earth, though! What a nice surprise!”

Lapis’ anger-filled expression shifted to one of confusion. Peridot, meanwhile, took no notice in Steven’s strange behavior, and instead walked up to Purple Pearl.

“Excuse me, but are you a member of this school?” Peridot asked her. “I’ve never seen you here before, and I keep a perfect record of all the students registered here.” She spoke that last part with a not-so-subtle hint of pride.

“Oh, no, I don’t.” The pearl looked around at all the gems surrounding their group nervously. “I’ve actually never been anywhere before except the Reef. This is my first new place!”

“The Reef?”

The crowd turned towards the source of the voice, revealing her to the onlookers. The pearl’s pink complexion shone brightly under the sunlight, illuminating the crack on her face. Her one eye looked towards the newcomers in curiosity and concern.

Volleyball.

“Yes, the Reef!” Purple Pearl smiled brightly. “We just came from there!” She took a couple steps forward towards Volleyball, looking at her in wonder. “Are you a pearl, too? Were you made there? How long ago? Who made you? Did Stev-“

“Oh, yes!” Volleyball answered, cutting her off. “All pearls are made at the Reef. I’m a few thousand years old myself.” She giggled. “It was an awfully long time ago, but I still remember it like it was yesterday! Pink was there with Yellow’s pearl, and we-“

“Ah yes, Pink Diamond, Pink Diamond, she was great, she was awesome, we _know,_ ” Steven suddenly snarked, crossing his arms. He looked away, trying to appear stand-off-ish (which was quite a feat if you were currently stuck in bubble jail suspended above the head of a physics-defying pink playmate), and rolled his eyes. For good measure, he crossed his legs, too.

“What in the-“ Lapis blinked in confusion, then she frowned. “What is your deal, Steven? You’re acting really _weird_ and I _don’t_ like it.”

“You can say that again,” Spinel muttered.

“Look. That’s all anyone _eeeeever_ talks about,” he grumbled. “Mom this, mom that. She was great, _we get it._ Can’t we just drop it and _move on_ already?”

Lapis stared at him for a second, then turned to glare at Spinel. “Let him go,” she demanded. “NOW.”

Spinel shook her head. “I can’t do that. We need ta get Steven to his family, and _fast._ He… did somethin’ earlier, and now he’s acting all weird. If I let him go, he’s probably gonna run.”

“I DON’T CARE.” Lapis’ glare could kill. “If he tries to run, _I’ll_ deal with it. Now let him out.”

Spinel looked at Peridot, who shared a look of worry with her, before Spins set the bubble down. It popped, and Steven fell on his back with a soft _oof!._ He stood up quickly, his grin clearly plastered on his face as he looked at Lapis.

“Thank you,” he chirped, his weirdly-lit eyes meeting hers frantically. “ _MAN_ it was cramped in there!”

Lapis crossed her arms. “Cut it out, Steven. What’s going on?”

“Nothing!” Steven took a step closer to her, his arms held out to the sides. “I took care of it! All by myself! Anything that was wrong before is fixed now! _I fixed it!_ None of you need to worry because there’s nothing to worry about!”

“So you think bein’ rejuvenated is a good thing? Is that what I’m getting’ from this?” Spinel’s question was toned more like an announcement, and she spoke it loud and clear. Her words hit home, as the crowd began to gasp in shock, some gems even taking a few steps back.

Peridot’s entire form went ridged, while Lapis took a step back, bringing a hand up to her mouth. “You’re… you’re kidding me, right?” She looked to Peridot frantically. “Sh-she has to be joking. She’s joking, right Steven?” Her navy blue eyes focused in on Steven again.

Steven shrugged. “Yeah, being rejuvenated sucks, but it works differently for me! I still have all of my memories, so it’s okay! I’m still good old Steven Universe! I did it to help me fix all my problems, to keep you all safe, and look!” He held an arm up. His gem began to glow, the mark that a gem was summoning an attack or something within it. His shield appeared, fizzing and fuzzy, glitching in and out of reality, trying to stabilize itself, but without a proper connection to his gem, the shield eventually popped altogether. He did the same with his bubble, which popped. Then, the same with his floating abilities- he leaped up and landed back down without having a say in how fast he descended.

He giggled in delight while the audience could only look on in horror. Steven was their savior, he was the one who liberated them all from Homeworld, who used his healing powers to save a good majority of them from corruption, all of which he couldn’t have done without his powers. And now, he had gotten rid of them, and was clearly more than happy to do so.

Their number one defense was now down, with a bigger smile on his face than ever before.

“Now, nothing can hurt any of you anymore.” He met Lapis’ eyes, and to her horror, she realized that the weird lighting wasn’t lighting at all, but instead, his pupils had turned a bright white color. They were not circular, like she usually saw them as when she could see them. Instead, they had sharpened into four points: Diamond eyes.

“ _I_ can’t hurt you anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We should bring Spinel along more often.
> 
> That is (probably) going to be the last time I do a recap of a scene though a different character’s eyes, I promise. I’ll only do it again if I feel it’s necessary. I just wanted to share Spinel’s thoughts since she... made a few assumptions there for a while.
> 
> Also, I want to portray Spinel in a more attentive light than I’ve seen most people do so. She’s observant and smart, as evidenced by her “hurt” form in the movie, she just tends to put those things off while she focuses on other people. Which should sound familiar, honestly. 
> 
> Last thing, this pearl DOES have a nickname, but I just haven’t found a good spot to put it in yet. We’ll keep calling her Purple Pearl until she gets her official title, lol. 
> 
> If anything sounded weird or off, let me know! Writing characters that have a similar mindset to Steven in this case is difficult lol. I take constructive criticism. :)


	3. Steven's Here to Help!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Steven's facade is really starting to fall apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, sorry this took so long. This one was hard to write (I explain more at the end) and it turned out longer than I usually write as well. I'm still not completely satisfied with it, but everything works how I wanted it to, so we're keeping it (for now). Let me know if anything Steven does here is out of character.
> 
> Also: panic attack tw. I had one recently, and though I was planning on having one here anyway, the more recent experience really reminded me of what they felt like. So watch out for that.
> 
> Okay, enjoy!

When it came to drama, Bismuth was the type of gem that usually stayed out of it. She was the friend you could lean on in times of crisis, and if you were going through something, Bismuth would lend an ear, but she herself was never one for actively participating. When she’d found out that Rose was Pink Diamond, that was the first time she had actually wanted to do something about the drama going on around her, but she had absolutely no idea what to do. So she screamed her head off into a nearby pool of lava. Whatever works.

But if Bismuth thought that the Crystal Gems liked to gossip during the war, she was proven wrong by how much chatter went around Little Homeschool  _ every single day. _ This gem fused with that gem. This gem failed this test. That gem nearly set a building on fire. New drama every single day. There was no end to it! So, when it came to her forgery class in the school, she made her own set of rules, the first being ‘don’t bring your outside drama inside here.’ She didn’t want to deal with it.

But, even Bismuth found herself curious at the incredibly large amount of gems that had suddenly crowded around the warp pad. 

She was watching from a window, watching as more and more gems added themselves to the crowd. She could see the top rim of a red-pink bubble bobbing up and down every now-and-then, and sometimes, something in the bubble moved, but that was about all she could see.

Then the crowd went stock-still. That was enough for Bismuth to finally go investigate for herself, because whatever this was, it might actually be important.

She speed-walked across the grass, stopping behind a permafusion between an amethyst, a lapis, and another gem she couldn’t identify. Tapping her shoulder, Bis cleared her throat. “Excuse me, would you mind tellin’ me what’s goin’ on here?” She asked. 

The fusion looked at her with one pair of eyes, the other still watching the scene. She was tall enough to be able to see. “I… I have… no idea…” she replied, her voice a bit slower because of the three gems each thinking about what to say. “…Steven warped here… in a bubble… with that Spinel from last year… and a pearl. He was… in the bubble…? And he… apparently…” the fusion looked around, as if what they were about to say next might get them in trouble. “He’s rejuvenated…!”

Bismuth practically jumped. “Steven’s rejuvenated _ again? _ ”

The fusion nodded, one pair of eyes still glued to the scene. “Professors Peridot and Lapis are… dealing with it…”

“Right. Thank you Lavender.” Bismuth had to keep herself from yelling and pushing everyone out of her way. So Spinel was back, and Steven was rejuvenated? Whose bubble was he being kept in, his own or Spinel’s? The blacksmith frowned in determination. “I’m going in. Everyone, please step aside!”

The crowd, upon hearing Professor Bismuth’s voice, obliged. A clear path was made for her, although it was a bit too thin. Bismuth stomped forward, ready to do what she had to in order to stop Spinel from hurting anyone more than she already had.

“BISMUTH!!” Peridot’s shrill voice spiked with relief. The small green gem was suddenly in front of her, her features tensed. “Thank goodness you’re here. Steven’s rejuvenated again, and something is seriously wrong with him!”

“Nothing’s wrong!” Steven’s voice announced. 

Bismuth looked up at the warp pad, which was still a few paces away. Steven was positioned in front of it, with Spinel and a purple-colored pearl Bismuth had never seen before still standing on top of it. Both of them wore worried expressions, while Steven’s was… disturbing. His smile was too wide, nor did it touch his eyes. His features were tensed, but he was also trying to stand in a relaxed way, as if trying to hide the fact that he was upset. Lapis was standing off to Steven’s left, while Volleyball was standing just in front of the crowd on his right.

The crowd was beginning to make sense.

Steven’s eyes met hers, and after a second of reading Bismuth’s expression, he turned towards her fully, arms stretched out. “I swear, nothing’s wrong. I fixed it!”

Lapis now turned to look at Bismuth, her eyebrows drawn together with worry. “He’s been saying that over and over again, and we can’t figure out what he means! He won’t tell us! All we know is that his powers are gone and he seems  _ happy _ about that!”

Bismuth frowned at that. “Lemme talk to him.”

The crowd leaned in, ready to hear the Queen of Pep Talks do her thing. 

Bismuth frowned at them, placing her hands on her hips. “ALONE.”

The crowd began to back away, muttering and swapping rumors and theories. Some didn’t want to leave, and a ruby walked up and asked if there was anything she could do. Bismuth waved everyone off as quickly as she could, leaving Peridot, Lapis, Spinel, Volleyball, and that new pearl as the last people around the warp pad. But, Bismuth realized quickly that a good lot of the gems hadn’t actually left- they were just standing at a distance, still nearby enough to see if anything happens. 

That just wasn’t going to work. Bismuth cleared her throat, then pointed at her forge. “Follow me.” She turned and began to walk there, knowing full well that everyone would go with her. She had that kind of commanding presence, or so many gems had told her- she was loud, confident, and someone worth listening to. She took their words for it, and found that they seemed to be correct once again when she heard footsteps behind her.

The seven of them crowded into Bismuth’s forge, which she was still getting ready for the day’s work. It was still early yet on Earth, and classes weren’t due to start for another half an hour yet. 

Bismuth reached the end and turned around, watching the crowd make their way in. Her eyes were drawn specifically to the pearl, who was looking around in wonder and delight. Spinel was, too, but to a lesser degree. The pearl was taking everything in as if she’d never seen anything like this before.

Lapis shut the door behind them. “Okay, now what’s the plan?”

“Hold on there, Laz, I still need to figure out what exactly is goin’ on,” Bismuth replied. She crossed her arms, looking at Spinel with a cool dislike. “So, what brings you back to Earth, Stretch?”

Spinel gulped. “N-nothin’, uhh, earth-shattering, one could say, heh.” She chuckled nervously at her own pun. “I was jus’ bringing Steven back. I can leave if ya want.” The poor gem was shaking so bad she looked like her form might dissipate at any second. Out of the corner of her eye, Bismuth could see Volleyball bring a hand up to her chest sadly, as if she wanted to say something but was refraining from doing so.

Bismuth let out the breath she was holding in. “No no, it’s alright. I just want to understand why you’re here, and Steven just  _ happens _ to be rejuvenated again.”

“Oh whoops,” Steven suddenly exclaimed, looking embarrassed. “I can see why that would be suspicious. No no, Bismuth, you’ve got it all wrong.” He was doing that thing with his expression again, wearing a smile that looked so normal, and yet so forced it looked like it hurt. “She was just there. She didn’t do anything. It was all my choice.”

Bismuth’s frown dropped sharply. “It was your choice… to get rejuvenated?”

Steven opened his mouth to answer, but before he could say anything, Spinel literally jumped in front of him. “YES IT WAS! He walked up ta me on Homeworld and told me he wanted to take me somewhere, so we did, and we went to the Reef, which is where, like, Pearls are made, an’ then he made a pearl for some reason, and then pretended to rejuvenate her, but he musta shoved her outta the way or somethin’, because then it was him instead, and then I had ta bust him out before somethin’ bad happened, and then when he was free, he passed out, and that’s ALL I KNOW!” The pink gem panted for a second, as if trying to catch breath she didn’t need. Then she stood up straight, looking around the room awkwardly. “…Didja get all that, or…?”

Everyone took a moment to let that all soak in. 

“…Well, you make it sound really bad when you put it like that,” Steven commented, looking down at the floor. His Diamond eyes were unfocused, seeing something that wasn’t there.

“WHAT OTHER WAY WAS THERE TA PUT IT?!” Spinel suddenly spun around to glare at him. She shoved a finger towards him accusingly, stepping closer and making him back away. “That’s what happened, ain’t it? So just TELL US why ya DID IT and make it sound less-horrible, okay?!”

Lapis’ water wings sprouted up from behind her. “Spinel, get away from him!”

“NO!” Spinel shot back, not looking at her. “He scared me half ta shatterin’, and I’m not backing off until I know EXACTLY what happened!”

The tension in this room was going to crack someone at this rate. Bismuth uncrossed her arms, shapeshifted her hand, and slammed a hammer down on her anvil. “ _ HEY! _ That’s enough!” All eyes immediately turned to look at her. “This isn’t figuring anything out. I want answers as much as the rest of y’all, but we’re not gonna get ‘em by screaming at each other.”

Spinel relaxed, bringing a hand to rub her arm nervously. Lapis’ wings disappeared, but her glare stayed the same. 

Bismuth let out another breath. “Okay, great. Now, Steven, why not tell us everythin’ from the beginning, huh?”

Steven snapped his attention to Bismuth, eyes widening as if he hadn’t been expecting this question. “Oh, um, it’s…” he faltered, looking around the room while he fished for words. “It’s not a huge deal. Um, the long and short of it is that I… um… I keep hurting people, and I wanted to stop doing that? And now I can’t anymore!” That weird smile was back, though not quite as strongly as before. “You’re safe now!”

“Would you STOP SAYING THAT?!” Lapis’ glare turned to him now, her fury boiling over. “That’s all you’ve been saying since we got here. You made a pearl!? Why? And is it true you tried to rejuvenate her? Why would you do that to a pearl you just met- no, a pearl you just CREATED, for star’s sake!”

Steven looked like he’d been slapped in the face. He took a step back, raising his hands up in front of him as if he were about to try and reassure her again.

“Lapis,” Peridot reached out an arm towards her old barnie, hoping to maybe quiet some of the storm. 

“What? Do you want me to calm down?” Lapis snapped to her now, head whipping around to face her. 

Peri fidgeted with her hands, looking at anything but the angry water gem. “That… would be optimal,” she murmured after a moment, her eyes drifting to the ground. 

“Well, I can’t.” Lapis spun back to Steven, who was watching with an almost blank expression, as if he weren’t actually listening. “I’m not going to relax until I understand why one of my best friends thought it would be okay to purposefully HURT HIMSELF like this!”

A tense silence covered the room now as everyone waited for Steven’s reply. All eyes were either on him or Lapis, flitting back and forth between them. They watched as Lapis stood as still as a statue, her hands in fists held at the sides of her body, leaning forward a bit towards him, unyielding. They saw as Steven continued to observe the floor, or something just past it, his eyebrows coming together a tiny bit every few seconds, only to relax again, like a slow-motion twitch. He shifted on his feet, and after what felt like a whole minute, he brought a hand up to squeeze his arm. He looked at the ground off to his right, blinking. 

“I… wouldn’t call it… hurting myself,” he murmured, his voice so low that the gems had to strain to hear him.

“Well, what  _ would _ you call it, then?” Lapis’ form relaxed just a bit, only noticeable by people who knew her well and understood her body language. She had shifted her head away from him just a bit, as if beginning to side-eye him, but not moving enough to make it count as one.

“I…” Steven finally looked to Lapis again, a small smile cracking his lips. “I already told you, I was saving you. I’m  _ protecting _ you.”

Lapis frowned and looked away, crossing her arms.

The silence from before set back in, with everyone uncomfortable but too concerned about Steven’s well-being to move to leave. Bismuth took time to try and read all of her friend’s expressions, and from which she could glean was that everyone wanted to continue to ask Steven more questions (with varying levels of aggression), but everyone had realized that this was getting nowhere. Bis found herself in the same boat.

“What exactly are you protecting us from?”

The voice was quiet, hesitant, and small, and for a moment, Bis thought that Pearl had walked in, but upon the quick realization that she hadn’t, her eyes instead landed on the small purple pearl. She was standing in a similar pose to Spinel, with her hands behind her back nervously and her head tilted down. She was a bit more loose, however, and her eyes were wider, more innocent. 

_ Steven’s Pearl, _ Bismuth realized. 

How in  _ stars _ did it take her this long to put that together? At any other time, she’d have face-palmed.

All eyes quickly fell on the lavender gem, who shrunk under their gazes. “J-just asking,” she said shyly, her voice quavering. 

Steven’s expression darkened. “You don’t wanna know.”

At that moment, the kid might as well have been 50 light years away. He was back to seeing something that wasn’t there, his eyes transfixed on the floor. And it was Bismuth’s floor- she knew is wasn’t that interesting, so something else was at play here. She recognized that look; that was the face of someone who had witnessed something horrible, and was now haunted by it.

But, quick as it came, it was gone again with a shake of his head. “Ah, but who am I kidding? You all are just worried about my shield ‘n stuff, right? Well, how about I go show you all that I don’t need those to be useful?” Lapis raised a hand and opened her mouth, ready to speak again, but Steven cut her off without waiting for audience approval. “Yeah, that sounds like a plan!” He looked alive again, suddenly animated the same way he had been back at the warp pad, with his false expressions and forced-relaxed poses. “Y’know, I think things really started getting bad when I quit Little Homeschool. So, I should hang around here and make myself useful! See you all at work!”

He then practically skipped out the door, all smiles and fake enthusiasm. 

The only one who made a move to try and stop him was his pearl, who raised an arm and took a step forward, opening her mouth with no sound following the movements of her lips. 

Everyone else was too stunned to have any different reaction. Since when did Steven act like this? What-?

“What happened to him?” Lapis voiced Bismuth’s own thought aloud.

“I don’t know, but we’re gonna find out.” Bismuth stiffened, resolve flooding through her now. Whatever this was, it was a giant red flag. “Lapis, go get Steven’s family. Peri, go with her. One of y’all needs to go find Greg, the other needs to find Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl.”

Peridot nodded in grim determination. “You can count on us. C’mon, Lapis, let’s go!” The little green gem was out the door faster than Steven had been, with Lapis right behind her. The door was left standing wide open behind them.

Bismuth looked around and assessed the rest of the remaining crowd- Volleyball, Purple Pearl, Spinel, and herself. She hummed in thought. “Volleyball, I need you to keep an eye on him.”

“OH! OH! Can I go with her?!” Spinel’s hand shot into the air, waving like a human child’s would in a classroom. 

Bismuth thought for a second, concluding that she didn’t see why not. Spinel seemed just as worried as everyone else here, so her being the one to harm Steven was very unlikely. Besides, Steven himself did say that she didn’t. 

She was about to voice this, but Volley beat her to it. “Why, of course you can! Two is better than one!” Her smile was genuine, as was Spinel’s happy response. 

The two of them raced off before Bismuth could say anything else to them.

That just left Purple Pearl-  _ Steven’s _ pearl. Steven’s  _ personal _ pearl.

The gem herself looked worried, watching the two pink-colored gems leave, her arm reaching out towards them the same way she had with Steven when he had raced away. She stood like that for a second, before her arm relaxed again, and she dropped her gaze to the ground.

“You wanna help Steven too, don’tcha?” Bismuth stated knowingly. The pearl jumped, turning to the larger gem with wide eyes. Bis raised her hands out in front of her, indicating she meant no harm by that. “It’s alright, I get it; he’s a nice kid, and… he created you. I can see why you’d feel like you should help him.” The blacksmith took a few steps closer to her, kneeling down and taking one of her hands. The pearl tensed in response, but didn’t try to fight in any way. Her eyes remained on Bismuth at all times, as if she expected her to suddenly snap. “I get it, don’t worry. I used to serve a Diamond too, you know.”

The pearl blinked, then brought her free hand up to her chest. “Um, what’s a Diamond?” She cringed at her own question.

Bismuth’s gaze darkened just a bit as memories began to surface, memories from when she had served a Diamond way back when. Not  _ her _ Diamond, as she never respected them enough to ever say the words “my Diamond,” just  _ a _ Diamond. “There’s four of ‘em, and they used to rule over all other gems. Steven is one of them, but he’s never wanted to rule like them.” She frowned, looking at the pearl in earnest. “Do you know why Steven made you? It’s very unlike him.”

“So I’ve heard.” The pearl looked away. “I don’t know. He just kept telling me that I don’t belong to him, and then used me to activate the rejuvenation station in the Reef.”

Bismuth perked up in surprise. “He made you just so he could have a way to rejuvenate himself?”

“I…” the pearl looked around wildly, as if afraid of saying the wrong thing here. “I hope not…” 

Bismuth’s mind was reeling. If what this pearl said was true- and Bismuth had no reason to believe she was lying- that meant that the sole reason Steven had gone to the Reef was so that he could take away his own power. But the Reef was built specifically for pearls, so it made sense that a pearl was needed in order to trigger that kind of action. That explained where this random pearl came from, then. Plus, Spinel was “just there,” right? She had been brought there specifically by Steven, and not to pin blame on her as Steven had come to her defense so quickly. Well, you needed your gem to be functioning properly in order to use any of the tech Gems had, including operating the Reef and-

“The warp pads…” Bismuth realized aloud. “Steven brought Spinel there to use the warp pads.” She looked to Purple Pearl with a concerned expression. “It makes sense. He went there specifically to be rejuvenated, but the Reef only works for Pearls. That’s why he created you- he needed a pearl in order for the machine ta activate, and there was no way any Pearl he knows would allow him to do something like that.”

Purple Pearl looked down at the ground in sadness. “So he just created me to use me to take away his power? Is… that all I’m here for?”

“No!” The reply came from Bismuth’s mouth before she could think it through first. “No, there are so many reasons for you to be here, Pearl. I’m sure Steven had a plan for you, but we can ask him about it later when his head is screwed on a bit better. For now, we gotta start teaching you how to be your own gem.”

Purple Pearl’s eyebrow lifted in confusion. “Be my own gem?”

“Yeah! We gotta get you yer own identity apart from Steven!”

“But, I’m not-“

“How’s about a nickname first?” Bismuth snapped her fingers together, smiling knowingly. “‘Pearl’ is your gem type, but there are a lot of different Pearls around here. So, by giving you a nickname, you’d become separate from everybody else. How’s that sound?”

Purple Pearl blinked, taking all of that in. “Um, okay, I guess? How does a nickname work?”

“It’s just a second name, what people will call you besides Pearl. That’s all it is.” Bismuth shrugged. “You have any ideas?”

The pearl thought for a moment, but ultimately shook her head. “The only things I can think of are Reef, Diamond, and Spinel, and I don’t want to be called any of those things.”

“Hmm.” Bismuth rubbed at her chin for a second in thought. “Well, a lot of the gems here go by berry names for nicknames, so we could continue that theme. It’d need to be a purple fruit to keep things simple.”

“What’s a fruit?”

“A fruit is something you can eat. They’re usually pretty sweet.”

“Eat?”

Bismuth chuckled. “We can show ya later. For now, how does Raspberry or Pomegranate sound?”

The pearl’s face lit up. “Raspberry sounds nice! Could I use that one?”

“Sure thing, Raspberry.” Bismuth made sure to put a bit of emphasis on the name to really let the gem hear it. When her face became even brighter, the blacksmith knew the name was a winner.

She opened her mouth to say something else, but shouting from the clearing outside of the open door drew attention once again. Raspberry’s head turned to look out the door quickly, her eyes widening. There was a crash, and many voices yelling out at the same time. Bismuth and Raspberry shared a look for only a moment before both rushed out the door to see what was causing all the havoc.

It was worse than they had thought. MUCH worse.

* * *

Steven bolted out of Bismuth’s forge as fast as he could go without glowing pink, just wanting to get out of there. Everything was going the opposite of how he’s wanted it to go. He wanted them to feel relieved. He wanted them to thank him. He wanted them to at least give him a confused look, shrug their shoulders, and then walk away. Why couldn’t they just react like that? Why did they have to start interrogating him like he’d done something  _ wrong _ ?

Well, they were just worried about him, right? Being rejuvenated hurts, everyone knows this! Yeah, that’s it! That, and he can’t heal anyone anymore. But, there were alternatives besides him out there, like Rose’s Fountain or human hospitals! Both groups could heal without him!

For a second, he faltered, his mind flaring up in panic at the thought of him not being able to protect the people around him, but he quickly stuffed it down. If he was only healing people because he hurt them in the first place, then it was better to get rid of everything altogether than take that chance. They’d thank him later.

The first place Steven ran to was a nearby classroom that was low to the ground, with the door standing wide open. A couple of students had already arrived inside, which Steven took note of quickly. Two jaspers, three amethysts, a nephrite, and-

A pearl. She was not purple, nor was her gem at her naval, but the familiar face looked back at Steven anyways, all seven gems in the room looking up at him in surprise as he stopped at the open door. The pearl was a summer green color, and her gem was on her right shoulder. None of the other gems in here were unfamiliar to him, just the pearl, and he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. 

Coming in here was a bad idea, this was a mistake, he has to go somewhere else, but why, she hadn’t done anything wrong,  _ but he doesn’t want to be here, oh stars why can’t he MOVE- _

“He-hey, it’s Steven!” One of the jaspers announced, dropping what she was doing to skip up to him. She wrapped him in a tight hug. “How’ve you been, buddy?”

Steven blinked, and finally he was able to look elsewhere. He recognized this gem as Skinny, one of the gems that had been working on the Zoo a few years ago. He didn’t recognize the other jasper enough to name her, but he did notice that all three amethysts were a part of the Famethyst. All four of them were now rushing up to him, ready to participate in the warm greeting.

“H-hi to you too!” Steven replied, pushing away as best he could. His stomach felt bad, not like he was about to throw up, but something along those lines. The discomfort sat there and made itself at home, causing his joints to tense up as he stood in this classroom. “So! What we learning today?”

One of the Famethyst, with her gem on her left eye, gave a shrug. “Eh, we dunno yet. Teach ain’t here.”

“Oh! Well, I can help ya there!” Steven, with renewed purpose, gave the gems a wide grin. He marched past their embraces proudly, walking up to the desk that was positioned in the middle of the room. On it, there were a couple of pens, markers, paint brushes, paint splotches, and photo frames. He recognized it pretty quickly as Lapis’ classroom from the looks of things.

It was only now that he took the time to take in the whole room. It was spacious, with a few desks here and there, the walls covered in different art pieces either by students or Lapis herself. A couple of sculptures dotted the room as well, varying from desk-size to taking up an entire corner. The place felt lived-in and welcoming.

On the desk, there was a stack of blank paper. Steven picked it up, then quickly began to move around the classroom. He placed a page at every desk, then doubled back and gave each a spare. Each desk had a ton of supplies stored in little baskets hanging off the flat part, so he didn’t need to worry about that. 

Instead, he decided quickly that these students needed something to draw. His eyes landed on a small potted plant sitting on the windowsill, well-watered and blooming healthily. He ran to it, picked it up carefully, then darted back to the desk, placing it in the middle.

“Okay! Now we should be all set up!” Steven placed his hands on his hips, smiling proudly at the set-up. It was simplistic, but wasn’t that what art was supposed to be? He thought he remembered both his dad and Lapis telling him that once. Oh, and Peridot! Can’t forget her!

“Uhh, Ste- I mean, Professor Steven?” Nephrite spoke up from the door, not having moved since Steven took off. “We already did our lesson on still life.”

“Well, it doesn’t hurt to recap, right?” Steven grinned at her, noticing how each gem by the door seemed to cringe under his expression. Or, no, that wasn’t it- it was the implication of having to relearn stuff. He understood that- it was always boring. But also so beneficial! Helps to lock it in!

“We finished it last week.” Nephrite’s face was drawn out into a disbelieving frown. Actually, upon inspecting each expression more closely, Steven realized that every gem here wore a similar expression. It was the forge all over again.

“Oh. Well…” Steven tapped his chin in thought. “What are you learning about now?”

“Uhh,” the gems looked at each other. The other jasper wound up replying, offering a nervous “abstract art?”

Steven blinked at her. “How do you set that up?”

“We don’t know yet!” One of the Famethyst half laughed, half cringed. “It’s Monday! We haven’t started that lesson yet.”

Steven felt himself start to sweat. Everyone was looking at him like he was nuts, he just set up a classroom for a lesson they’d already learned,  _ all eyes were on him- _ “OH! I know! We can start with emotions!” Steven immediately reached out for the plant, holding it up for the other gems to see. “A lot of abstract art comes from emotion! So, just go with your gut and put paint wherever! Like, how does this plant make you feel?” 

He had no idea if this was how it worked or not, but it sounded right based on what Lapis talks about. Right?

Each gem by the door began to look at each other, silent conversations passing between them that Steven understood way too well. He’d learned to read silent conversations from a few years ago, when the gems never told him anything and he had to either prove himself worthy enough to have that info, or figure it out for himself. Now, each gem was saying, in some way, that they were concerned. Steven was concerning them. They were worried. Should they get help?

The hybrid’s smile began to slip. 

“STEVEN!” Something shoved its way through the crowd around the door, and suddenly, Spinel and Volleyball had joined the group, bringing the number of eyes on him to 16. Spins immediately rushed up to him, looking him up and down, the concern masked poorly by a smile. “There you are! Where’ve ya been?”

“Oh, y’know, here,” Steven replied, laughing a bit. “I was actually setting up this classroom for Lapis’ art lesson, if you’d wanna help.”

“Oh, I…” Spinel shrunk back a bit, looking around the room warily.

“I’d love to help!” Volley smiled, the corners of her eyes lifting up. “Where do we begin?”

Panic seized the teen for a reason that, in the moment, he couldn’t understand. “No no no! You don’t have to do anything like that!” He held his hands up to the pink gem. “Sorry I asked. I shouldn’t have- you know what? It’s fine!” He closed his eyes, taking a moment to reflect. “Everyone slips up sometimes! It’s okay!”

He heard a quiet “huh?” from Volleyball’s direction, but didn’t stop to dwell on it. He instead focused on setting up for abstract art! …However one sets up a class to learn about the art of putting essentially nothingness on a page.

Before he could move to do that, though, a hand wrapped around his arm. The glove’s material was soft, and probably meant to be comforting, but in the moment, Steven froze. His head whipped around to meet Spinel’s gaze, who was no longer trying to hide her worry. 

“No, Steven, I think you need ta come outside fer a minute?” She looked at him pleadingly. “Somethin is seriously off with ya, and yer really freakin’ me out.”

“Phew! It’s not just us, then!” One of the Famethyst by the door suddenly exclaimed. The gem was quickly silenced by a glare from Spinel.

Steven gulped, trying to get his tangled thoughts in order. There was too much happening, here in this room and in his head, and Steven couldn’t understand any of it. He needed a moment to just sit down and try to clear his head, but at the same time, wouldn’t that just be proving that he can’t be useful anymore? He didn’t think he could take that. So, instead, he offered the gem a small smile. “No, I’m okay, I just need to get things in order around here, y’know? Set up classes, make sure everyone’s learning good, maybe teach a class for a bit? Make sure things are runnin’ smooth! And what better way to do that then set up a classroom?”

Spinel reeled back, recoiling as if she’d touched a hot stove. “Get things in order?”

At first, Steven didn’t know what she’d meant by that. Yes, that’s what he said, so why was she so disturbed by it? If things aren’t working, then everything falls apart! And he hasn’t been here in so long, so he has to make sure that the place is functioning well enough without him. Wasn’t that a good thing to do? Responsible?

He blinked at her, trying so hard to get his jumbled thoughts in order. The discomfort in his stomach was still there, as well as the emotional equivalent of warning sirens going off in his head. Nevermind, he did feel like he was about to throw up. There was also significantly less air in the room now that Spinel and Volleyball were here. But, Steven had the feeling that if he started taking in deeper breaths, he wouldn’t be able to stop. So he didn’t.

Steven and Spinel stared at each other for a few more seconds, the quartzes by the door looking back and forth between them worriedly. Volleyball stood stock still, weighing her options, but eventually, she was the one to step forward.

“So… the classroom…?” She reminded him. “I could go get the pai-“

“No no! That’s okay!” Steven spun to her, waving his hands as if telling her to stand down. “I got this! You don’t have to do anything, okay?” 

Volley blinked, her eye searching his for some kind of explanation, but before she could look long, he was running around the room again.

Steven was feeling himself start to sweat. He didn’t know why everyone couldn’t just leave him alone. He was doing a good thing! Why was everyone so freaked out?!

“Steven, maybe you shouldn’t…” Spinel took a few steps forward, her head watching his movements. “You need some fresh air ‘er somethin’.” 

Steven ignored her, coming to the front of the class again. “Okay! Everyone grab a seat!”

“Steven…” Spinel’s expression hardened, though remained mostly quizzical.

He couldn’t take this much longer, but he also knew he couldn’t just run out. He needed to fix something fast, and if teaching this class was the only way, then so be it. So, once again, he ignored her.

He walked back up to the plant. It was a flower pot, with bright blue and purple flowers sprouting out of it. He picked it up and brought it closer, admiring the detail of each petal. They were blue, mostly, but the purple started around the middle of each petal and came inwards, turning the part of the petal touching the stem a soft purple color. They were really pretty. Although… 

He squinted. One of the flowers was beginning to wilt. _ That is not a problem, _ Steven thought with a smile. Out of habit, he licked a finger and gently touched it to the flower petal. 

Nothing happened. It took Steven a second to remember that he had no healing powers anymore, and the flower remained wilted. 

Quickly, he set it back down on the table and turned towards the quartzes by the door, who were now all staring at either him or the plant with wide eyes. One or two shifted in discomfort.

“Steven, your…” Skinny trailed off, not wanting to say it out loud.

“LOOK!” One of the Famethysts pointed at the flower again. Steven, following her gaze, turned to look.

Slowly but surely, the flower was healing. The wrinkles disappeared, the color returned, and the petals all opened back up, showing a now healthy flower to the world. It took much longer than usual, though, but that didn’t matter. His healing powers were  _ working. _

_ …What did that mean? _

Steven’s heart pounded in his chest. He rejuvenated himself, why was this flower healing? It shouldn’t do that, right? Why was it doing that? 

He had to get out of here.

Diamond eyes blown wide, Steven ran for the door, shoving past quartzes as he went. He heard Spinel call his name from behind him, and heard her struggling to follow, but he didn’t care. 

Steven was sure he knew what was going on. Back when he was rejuvenated the first time, his powers were still there, just malfunctioning. He could still fuse, he could still float, and he was still really strong, but the effort of using any of those powers was so much greater than usual. He stayed fused with his dad for three minutes max, and after unfusing, he was so tired he wasn’t sure he’d be able to stand back up afterward. He had stood because he had to, and after a couple of seconds he was adjusted enough to be able to walk and run like usual, but it took a few beats for that to happen.

His healing powers weren’t gone, they were just malfunctioning. All of his powers were just malfunctioning. That meant he was still incredibly dangerous, didn’t it? He was still strong, he was still on the fritz, and  _ he still had the power to sha- _

He raced out back into the open square. Gems were starting to mingle about again, and all eyes fell on him as he burst out of the art studio in a panic. His head whipped around, looking for somewhere he could just go and calm down. He needed a place with no gems in it, somewhere he could be alone, somewhere he could actually get his thoughts together and make a plan!

The residential area. There were a ton of back alleyways and little places he could hide. He just had to run to the residential area. 

Turning left, he raced away, hoping to get there as fast as his legs could carry him. A couple gems moved towards him, possibly to comfort him, maybe to stop him, but he paid no attention and continued to run. Spinel called out from behind, the echo of her voice indicating she had made it outside and now may quite possibly be chasing him. 

“WAIT! Where are ya goin’?!” The gem’s voice shouted. “Steven, wait up!” 

He looked over his shoulder back at her. She was, in fact, giving chase, with Volleyball close on her tail. Their concerned expressions went unmasked now, and Spins reached out to him. 

“Please, stop following me!” Steven called over his shoulder, driving himself harder to just get away. He hit something, and he went sprawling, a larger quartz with black and white stripes- Zebra Jasper- also tumbled to the ground with a yelp. The teen shouted out a rapid apology, or at least he thought he did, and started scrambling to his feet immediately. He felt a touch on his shoulder. Without bothering to see who it was, he jerked his shoulder away and continued to sprint, but the touch was there again, grabbing, trying to get him to slow down. 

“Steven, please. Calm down.” 

At the sound of Garnet’s soothing voice, Steven gradually stopped fighting. He knew there was no getting away at this point with Garnet here, so he forced himself to just stop moving.

Footsteps ran up behind him. “STEVEN! Are you okay?!” Pearl’s shrill cry cut through the air, and then there was another touch on his shoulder. Pearl spun into view from over his left shoulder, her eyes and features creased with worry. She brushed his hair back out of habit, examining his face closely. “What happened?! Why on Earth did you go to the Reef? What were you thinking?!”

For a moment, Steven felt a flicker of anger at the notion that no one was able to see why he had done it, and that everyone insisted that him protecting them was a bad idea. But, for now, he kept his mouth shut, looking towards the ground. Besides, he didn’t have the courage to say anything, anyways; the bigger emotion controlling him at the moment was fear, and if he had learned anything about his powers, it was that his fear got people hurt. He had to control it. Could he still glow pink? Fear was linked with stress, and if what Dr. Maheswaran had said was true, then everyone was in very real danger right now.

_ Even after being rejuvenated, I still have to fight to keep everything under control,  _ he thought bitterly. 

Though, normally he’d be glowing by now, wouldn’t he? So, even if he did still have those powers, they were still mostly locked away. They should be safe for now. Right?

“Yo dude, say something already!” Amethyst crowded next to Pearl, trying to life his face up so they could meet each other’s eyes. Steven kept his gaze firmly downward, not wanting to see another disappointed look today. “You’re really scaring us! Why did you-?” She took a moment, still not quite believing her own words. “Why would you rejuvenate yourself?”

Steven could feel his resolve tearing, though to do what, he didn’t know. He wanted to tell them, to just get it out there, but every part of him also screamed not to. It was an urge, an instinct deep down, knowing that he couldn’t spill, no matter what. They were already falling apart; what would happen if they knew? Steven knew something was wrong with him, he didn’t need to fail putting his family back together again to prove that to him right now. 

So, he said nothing, instead focusing on not breathing in too deeply for fear he wouldn’t be able to stop once he did. Every muscle was stiff and tense, ready for anything, even though he tried to force himself to relax them. They just wouldn’t. 

“…to Greg. He just might be able to help.” Garnet’s voice cut into Steven’s head, though he barely registered what she said. He was zoned out again, he knew he was, but he just couldn’t bring himself out of it. He just focused on keeping himself together.

“But if this is a Gem thing…?”

“Pearl, do you SEE any gems running around hyperventilating for a reason they don’t tell anyone?! Besides, Greg might be able to calm him down!”

“Amethyst, lower your voice. We need to get him to calm down, not scare him more.”

“Okay, sure. But where is Greg?”

Greg. Dad. The van. The crash. Ohhh stars, if Dad saw him like this, the gems wouldn’t be able to calm either one of them down. “No… don’t- don’t bring dad, I- leave him- don’t-…”

“Steven, why not? What do you need?” Pearl squeezed his shoulders in either reassurance or panic. He still said nothing, squeezing his eyes shut and focusing on controlling his breathing. A small whimper escaped him against his will. “What do you need us to do?! Please,  _ say something!” _

He needed more air. He wanted more air. But, he also had the gut feeling he wouldn’t be able to stop breathing deeply if he did. Was that what a panic attack felt like?! It was just like when he and Peridot had drilled down to the Cluster- he’d had this feeling then, too, and he passed out because of it. 

Spinel and Volley had caught up at some point. More hands touched his shoulders. Someone tried to get them to back away, but more unfamiliar hands took their place. A crowd was forming. He wanted to run. He had to run. He took a step forward to try and shove his way past, energy draining from him rapidly. The gems around him stopped him from advancing.

“HEY!” A loud voice cut through the crowd. “Back away from him!”

The crowd froze. Steven stopped breathing altogether, eyes shooting open at the familiar voice.  _ Her _ voice.

The crowd parted, letting the large gem through. His family stayed around him, forming a sort of barrier blocking her off from the rest of them. The air was tense enough to be felt a mile away, Steven was sure.

The gem approached. Steven could imagine the glare on her face, the determination in her eyes as she growled, “step away from my Diamond.”

_ Jasper. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well _that's_ not gonna set him off at all.
> 
> So, continuing from the header notes, Everything's Fine Steven is hard to write, since he is acting irrationally and doing things Steven wouldn't normally do. I can see it clearly in my head, but translating it to words it harder to do. So, again, if anything sounded weird, let me know.
> 
> And the thing with him "holding in" a panic attack is a thing that can happen- it happened to me recently. I was able to hold it off for about an hour and a half collectively (not counting the time spent at a movie theater in the middle where I actually relaxed), and I could feel it there. Once it got bad, I knew if I started to take deep breaths in, I would start hyperventilating. But, I was also getting lightheaded, and couldn't do that for long. I'm proud to say I refrained for more than a half an hour before I broke. So that's fun.
> 
> Anyways. Raspberry has a name now! We're going to shift the light off of her for a few chapters and focus in on Steven again, since he's currently Going Through some Things that need to be addressed, and although she will still be present, we need to focus on the boyo for a bit. But we'll get to her, I swear! 
> 
> Seriously, let me know what you thought of this one. Did it drag at times? Did the pacing wobble a lot? Was anyone out of character? Please tell me, I'm really insecure about this one lol.
> 
> Anyways, thanks for reading! The next chapter shouldn't take as long, I hope! Stay tuned!

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment if you enjoyed! :D


End file.
